make children please thank you

Why I make my children say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

 

Last week we were out at a coffee shop with Steve’s family, and Nerys was being a bit clingy.  She wanted to sit right by me, and didn’t really want to talk to anyone.

Which is fine as far as I’m concerned.  If, for whatever reason, she’s feeling like she needs to be near me more than normal then so be it.  I’ll let her sit with me and not force her to join in with things.

What I will push for though, is her manners.

See, her Nana had a toasted tea cake in the cafe.  And normally Nerys would share this with her.  But on this particular day she didn’t want to say ‘yes please’ when she was asked if she wanted some.

So, for a fair while she went without.

Now, she wasn’t crying about this.  She is just stubborn like me.  And sometimes will chose to cut her nose off to spite her face.

Not the best trait of mine that’s been passed on to her, poor thing.

But the thing is, we all felt quite strongly that she should say ‘please’ if she wanted to be given some tea cake.

She’s nearly 3.  She is more than capable of saying the word.  Or signing it if she really didn’t want to speak!

And, for me, manners are important.

I will make my children say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

Why I make my children say 'please' and 'thank you'.

And it’s the same for my husband.  He has very clear memories of his Grandfather telling him ‘manners maketh the man’, and it’s a saying that has really stuck with him.

We both feel that it’s important for our children to be polite, and to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

To me this is really different from forcing our children to do things like say ‘sorry’ if they upset someone.  Or making them share their things.

Saying ‘sorry’ is an expression of a feeling.  And while I would like my children to say it, I’m not sure how happy I am with forcing them to say it if they don’t actually feel it.

Please and thank you on the other hand, are not expressions of feelings.

It’s such a little thing, but it drives me mad when adults don’t say please or thank you.  It just seems so rude to me, when people don’t acknowledge that you’re doing something nice for them.

I don’t think it belittles my children, to ask them to say please or thank you.  And I will prompt them if they don’t say please when they’re asking for something, or thank you when they’re given something.

My Mum has told me that my siblings and I all managed an “ank-ooh” before we could properly talk.  And both my children were able to sign the word before their speech developed.

I suppose we all have our  things that are particularly important to us as parents.  And this is one of my things.

Oh, and Nerys did get some tea cake in the end.

We reached a compromise, where I asked Nana on her behalf if she could have some, and she said ‘thank you’ when it was given to her.  Not quite what I wanted from her, but it gave her an ‘out’ and still satisfied my desire for her to be polite.

I’m sure some people will wonder why we bothered.  Why we made a ‘thing’ out of it.  Why we didn’t just let it go and give her the tea cake to start with.

Well I’ve always believed that you have to pick your battles when it comes to parenting.  And for us, the battle for manners is one we’re willing to fight.

Do you feel strongly about your children saying please and thank you?  Or is this something that you think will just come with time?

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
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The siblings project – February 2017

Last month I joined in with the Siblings project for the first time.

And, even though it’s still early days, I have a feeling I might manage this project every month this year.  Even if the photos aren’t exactly what I’d like them to be.

See, I saw some really gorgeous photos from other bloggers as part of the project last month.  And it made me really want to make an effort with my two this month.  To take the time to actually do a sort of mini photo shoot with them.  It was in my calendar to do it and everything.

But still, it just didn’t happen.  When I looked through our photos from the last month though, I found I did have a couple of pictures of the two of them together.

Not quite the set of photos I had imagined, but I’m happy nonetheless.

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Despite all the coughs and colds we have managed to get out to the beach a few times in the last few weeks.  Rhys and Nerys both love it down there, even when it’s so cold you need your hoody hood up and your coat on over the top.

They both love digging in the sand, looking for treasure and building sandcastles.  For the most part they do this nicely together, but they do have their moments when they’d rather just do something by themselves for a bit.

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They are good friends at the moment though.

Nerys was at nursery today and was so excited to tell me that she had seen Rhys when they went out to play in the yard.  I love that they have that reaction to seeing each other, they were both so happy about it.

And on one occasion recently I left Nerys at home with Daddy while I went to pick Rhys up from school.  The first thing he said to me when he came out of his classroom was “where’s my sister?”.

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Nerys still wants to be like her big brother, and wants to do the things that he does.  And at the moment, she really wants to play Minecraft with him.

She’ll sit really close to him on the sofa, and watch him as he plays.  Sometimes it gets a bit too much for Rhys, and he asks her to move away.  Other times though, he will tell her all about what he’s doing.  And then he’ll let her help, telling her what blocks to use and where to put them.

It’s really lovely to see, even if it doesn’t always last!

 

The Me and Mine Project
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Me and mine – January 2017

Every month I see these lovely family photos pop up on my newsfeed.  Bloggers and photographers taking part in the me and mine project, which aims to get us all in front of the camera once a month as a family.

This is the year I really hope I will manage to join in every single month.

And I’m off to a good start.  We have a family portrait for January!

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This was taken by my mother-in-law in Victoria park in Swansea.

We had finally made it out of the house for a walk on the beach all together, after weeks and weeks of me feeling ill with a virus that I just can’t seem to shift.

Most weekends I’ve ended up heading back to bed for a lie down in the afternoons, my body just badly in need of rest to try and fight this bug off.  Which means we’ve not really been out and about that much this month.

So even though I was still bunged up and coughing, it was really lovely to head out in a window of sunshine and breathe in some sea air.

And I’m really pleased that we went, and that I took the camera along, so we could all cwtch in together and get this photo.

Hopefully the rest of the year will be a bit less germy and offer plenty more family photo opportunities!

 

The Me and Mine Project
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Living arrows 2017 – 1/52

So here we are.

2017.

A brand new year.  And a chance to get stuck into the living arrows project for a second go around!

Last year I had no set pattern to my living arrows posts.  Some weeks it was a photo of the two children together.  Some weeks it was just a photo of Nerys, and others it was just a photo of Rhys.  And I think that’s the way I’m going to tackle it again this year, rather than restricting myself by saying I’ll always do, say, a photo of the two of them together.

For the first week of the year though I wanted to include photos of them both.  So I have a clear image of what they look like now, so I can see how much they both change over the course of 2017.

First up is Nerys.

This is going to be a big year for her.  She turns 3 in a few months time, and will start going to a pre-nursery class at school 5 mornings a week.  Then in September she’ll head off to the nursery class.  I’m not sure how I’m going to cope, seeing her in a little school uniform!

I think she’ll thrive though.  I really do.

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And up second we have Rhys.  

I can’t quite get my head around the fact that he’ll turn 6 this year.  He’s growing up so fast.

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Whatever this year brings, I’m really looking forward to taking time each week to stop and take photos of my children.

I put together a post of all my photos from my living arrows project in 2016 and it’s so nice to see them all together in one place.  I’m already looking forward to doing the same at the end of 2017!

 

Living Arrows
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Living arrows 2016 – A year of photos

At the start of 2016 I started taking part in a lovely photography project – Living Arrows.

Living arrows is a project that celebrates childhood.  It’s nice and simple really, every week you take a photo of your child/children.  A photo that captures a bit of who they are, and what you’ve been up to together that week.

This is the first year I’ve taken part, and I’ve really loved taking the time to take a photo each week.  And I’m so happy to now be able to put all the photos together.

So here is my living arrows collection for 2016! 

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What a year!

What strikes me most looking back at all these photos, is how much Nerys has changed.

Rhys has changed a fair bit over the course of the year too, but you can really see such a huge change in Nerys.  She was just coming up to 2 at the start of 2016, and is now quickly approaching 3 and you can see in these photos how she’s gone from a toddler to a little girl.

That aside, I just love all the little moments that have been captured in these photos.

The trips out, the days at home, the bond between my children, the changing of the seasons.

It’s all there.

Our year, in 52 photos.

Mr and Mrs T Plus Three
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The Christmas tag

I’ve not really written that much on here about our Christmas plans or traditions this year.  So I was really happy to be tagged by the lovely Kate from Five little stars to take part in the Christmas tag.

It’s basically a list of questions about all things Christmas.  So, here we go:

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What is your favourite Christmas movie?

I’m not sure I actually have one single favourite Christmas film.  But I do have a couple that I love to watch every year.  It doesn’t quite feel like Christmas if I’ve not seen Love Actually, The family Stone and Jingle all the way!

 

Have you ever had a white Christmas?

I remember having one or two white Christmases when I was a child.  I couldn’t tell you exactly how old I was, but I do remember walking in the snow to visit family friends on Christmas day.  And once in more recent years it did snow on Christmas day here in Swansea, but I’m not sure it really counts because it didn’t settle at all.

 

Where do you usually spend your holiday?

We tend to visit my family in Kent for a pre-Christmas Christmas, and then spend actual Christmas here in Swansea.  It’s a juggling act though, trying to get to see all the family when we’re dotted around the place.

 

What is your favourite Christmas song?

Step into Christmas by Elton John.  No doubt about it!

 

Do you open any presents on Christmas eve?

We don’t have a tradition of opening presents on Christmas eve, but this year the children will have a little something to open from the Christmas week box I put together for them.  Then before they go to bed we’ll put out the traditional plate of goodies for Santa and his reindeer!

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Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?

Seeing as I can’t actually tell you how many of them there are, I’m going to go with no!

 

Which holiday traditions are you looking forward to this year?

I think the thing I’m most looking forward to is Christmas morning, all gathered on our bed, opening stockings.  And exchanging messages with my parents and my siblings basically shouting “he’s been!” at each other!

 

Is your Christmas tree real or fake?

It’s fake.  And we had a bit of a palava with it this year.  We had a 4 foot fake tree that I’m pretty sure I bought before my husband and I even got together.  And it was looking a bit sad last year, so in January we took it to the tip.  And then completely forgot that we’d done so, until we went to put it up a few weeks ago.  So we had to quickly order a new one from Amazon, and went for a lovely 6 foot one this time.  So it arrived, and I went to put our lights on it.  Then realised you kind of need more lights for a 6 foot tree than you do for a 4 foot one.  So ended up having to buy a new set of lights too!  It looks lovely now it’s all sorted though!

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What is your all time favourite holiday treat/food/sweet?

We used to have Tunis cake when I was younger which I really loved, but I can never seem to find them in the shops any more.  Now, when we spend Christmas in Swansea, one of the culinary highlights is my Mother-in-law’s chocolate torte.  It’s so good, we like to take photos of it to send to family and friends who aren’t in Swansea to show them what they’re missing!

 

Be honest, do you like giving or receiving gifts better?

I honestly prefer giving gifts.  There’s something so exciting about watching someone open a present you’ve picked out for them, especially when that someone is your child.

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Which is the best Christmas present you have ever received?

Oh this feels really bad to say, but I can’t think of a present off the top of my head that stands out over all the rest.  I’ve always had such lovely, thoughtful presents from my family though, I just can’t think of one in particular that I can claim as the best ever!

 

Where would be your dream place to visit for the holiday season?

Somewhere super cold and snowy, in a log cabin, with lots of cosy sofas and fire places!

 

Are you a pro present wrapper or do you fail miserably?

I’d say I’m somewhere in the middle of the two extremes.  I’m definitely not an expert wrapper, but most of my gifts look pretty decently wrapped I think!

 

Most memorable Christmas moment?

I don’t have one particular moment, but I have great memories of Christmases spent at home with my family.  We would stay at the dinner table for such a long time, eating and chatting and taking it in turns to open presents.  I really loved that, taking our time over it all.

 

What made you realise the truth about Santa?

I really don’t remember.  I’m sure I believed in him for quite a long time though, which is impressive seeing as I’m the youngest of three children.  My brother and sister must have done a great job of keeping the magic alive for me.

 

What makes the holidays special for you?

I think it is spending time together as a family.  And seeing how excited my children are about the whole thing, it just makes it a really wonderful time of year.

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So there you have it.  A little insight into our Christmas!

And I’m really pleased to now tag the following bloggers to tell us all about their Christmases:

Kate from Hippy Christian Mum

Tina from Adventures of Mummy and me

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Christmas week boxes – keeping the children entertained in the run up to Christmas

If you’ve got children chances are you’ll have come across the idea of a Christmas eve box.  

It’s quite likely you’re putting one together for yourself, or browsing the various websites that now sell them to find a special one to buy.

On the off chance you’ve not heard about them, here’s the gist.  You put together a box or basket or bag of special bits and pieces for your child to open on Christmas eve.  Something to start the magic a little bit early.  Most people put new pyjamas, a Christmas film and some treats in there.

We’ve not done them before, mainly because I’ve not been organised enough to sort one out.

But this year things have conspired to make my life a bit easier.  We were sent some lovely new slippers for the children from Wynsors, along with some chocolatey treats and we were also given three fab new books from Penguin and Britmums.

Being sent these bits so close to Christmas, I really wanted to put them away for the children, as little extra presents for them.  Then I considered putting together a book advent box for them, but realised I would end up spending a fortune on new books if I did that!  And I’m not sure there’s room on our bookshelf for 24 new books.

So then I thought I would put all the bits in a Christmas eve box for them instead.  But then I realised that we had a whole week off school before Christmas day.

A whole week of excited children asking if it was Christmas yet.  A whole week of needing to come up with fun things to do to keep us all occupied.

So, I decided to put together a Christmas week box.

I bought a few more books to add to the ones we were sent so that we have a new book to read every night next week at bedtime.  I popped into the pound shop in town and was really happy to find these three ‘read it yourself’ books.  I really love these books, as they’re stories that I can read to them but that Rhys can also have a go at reading himself.  And I’m so pleased that they had characters that my children love – Topsy and Tim, Harry (and his dinosaurs) and Charlie and Lola.

Charity shops are also a great place to go looking for books for your children, you can often find lots in there for bargain prices.

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Next I bought some new pyjamas to go with the slippers we were sent.  Primark ones mind, so not particulary extravagent!  They’re really lovely and soft though, and I love the old-fashioned style of the checked ones I bought for Rhys.

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I then went to the other pound shop and The Works and picked up a few bits and pieces.

Some sticker books.  We’ve had some ‘that’s not my’ sticker books before and they’re lovely, really nice quality.

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Some activity books.  These were actually all in a pack together for about £2 I think, but I opened the pack up to spread the books across a couple of days.

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A couple of craft activities for us all to do together.  I think we’ll have a lot of fun with these, and they were such a good price.  I like the fact that they’re simple enough for Nerys to get involved with, but look like they’ll take a little while to complete, so will be great for a quiet few afternoons at home!

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I also bought some fun bits to make cakes with their cousins when they come to visit one day next week.  I’m looking forward to seeing how creative they can get with the fun cake toppers and the sprinkles and stars!

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So basically there’s a new bedtime book for them to unwrap every evening, and something different for them to open up every day that will hopefully keep them entertained for a little bit!

Now I know some people might think all this is a bit OTT.  There does seem to be a bit of a debate about whether Christmas eve boxes are a good idea, or if they just encourage our children to be more materialistic.

Honestly, I hesitated a bit before putting this post together as I’m really not sure what people will make of it.  Especially as I have wrapped up all the items in our box.  But, for me, having the things wrapped up just adds a bit more fun to the whole thing.

And the thing is, this really didn’t cost me that much to put together.  I used a hamper we already had in the house, and bought everything apart from the pyjamas from the pound shop and The works.  And I would have spent the money on them anyway, on bits and pieces here and there throughout the week leading up to Christmas.  This just feels like a fun way to enjoy the Christmas holidays with my children.

What do you think?  Do you put together Christmas Eve boxes for your children, or are you not a fan of the idea?

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Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday