A big part of this happiness comes from the simple pleasure of watching her grow and learn and start to really communicate with us. But another huge part of it is that it really is important to me that my children are polite and say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.
Interestingly though, a study carried out in 2010 by Grant and Gino (published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) found that saying thank you also has a positive effect on the person being thanked. When we say ‘thank you’ to people it can strengthen our relationship with them, let them know that we value what they’ve done for us and, apparently, can also make them more likely to help us again in the future.
In the study a group of participants were asked to give feedback on a cover letter for a job application for a made-up student. When the student then asked for more feedback a day or two later, 66% of the participants agreed when he wrote a ‘thankful’ email, compared to just 32% of participants who agreed when he wrote the request in a ‘neutral’ tone. That’s quite a dramatic increase; seeming to prove that we are in fact much more likely to help people again in the future if they express their gratitude for the things we do for them.
The researchers looked into this further and found that the reason we’re more likely to help those who thank us again is that the ‘thank you’ makes us feel that our help was appreciated, that we’re needed and that it makes us feel more socially valued. It seems that hearing the words ‘thank you’ helps us feel reassured that our help is valued, which in turn motivates us to provide more help in the future.
So, teaching Rhys and Nerys to say ‘thank you’ will have positive effects on them and those that they’re interacting with!
Besides, it’s just the right thing to do isn’t it?! If someone does something for you, or gives you something, it’s just polite to acknowledge it with a thank you. And it does seem to brighten the postman’s day when he hands Rhys our post and gets a very enthusiastic ‘thank you’ back!
Do you agree? Do you think it’s important to teach your children to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ at an early age? I’d love to know what other people think!
I agree definitely. Just earlier today, I handed my toddler her water and she said “thank you”. She’s only starting to talk so hearing her say that made me feel so good. 🙂 #twinklytuesday
How nice that she’s only just starting to talk and that’s one of the things she says! And especially nice when it’s completely unprompted! x
I remember when yan was very small people often commenting on how polite she was – this made me very happy – I think you want to know you are raising nice polite children – and I totally agree that it’s great for other people to hear your child be polite too x
It’s so nice isn’t it, when people comment on the fact that your children are polite! x
Such a simple thing to teach and learn, and good manners are so appreciated by others. I remember how pleased I was when my girls learnt please and thank you early on.
It is such a simple thing isn’t it, but I do think it can make a difference to how people feel about your children at times. And thank you for commenting, lovely to know you’re reading this! x
I love it when my girls are polite and think it is so important. I’m a big fan of signing please too. I use it regularly myself now, even when I’m not around little ones! X
The signing is fab isn’t it! Such an easy sign for them to learn. x
So beating you 3 when you didn’t say please and thankyou worked!
I started teaching my son to say please and thank you from about 6 months through baby signing, I think good manners are hugely important. And it’s true what you say, I do feel valued when someone thanks me 🙂 #twinklytuesday
The baby signing is great isn’t it! I love that they can learn manners before they can actually talk, as well as being able to communicate what they need so they don’t get frustrated. x
Oh I absolutely agree!! My twins turned 2 in March and are just starting to talk and beginning to say Beees (please) and Sinku (thank you)!! To hear their little sing-song voices saying those words in context — and actually attempting ‘thank you’ and not ‘ta’ makes me a very happy mama indeed. Manners are SO important — I’m delighted my tiny boys are learning them at such a young age! Thanks for linking up to #TwinklyTuesday x
Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk
I’m not really a fan of ‘ta’ I have to admit! I’d much rather an attempt at ‘thank you’, and ‘sinku’ just sounds so sweet! x
All children should be taught please and thank you. If you start young, it seems to stay with them as they get older. Manners are still important in our high tech world.
I completely agree. I think maybe they’re even more important in this virtual world!
Yes, I definitely believe in courtesy and saying “please” and “thank you” are important parts of that practice. As a parent to a toddler, I try to lead by example and use these terms when I interact with my child and also when they are observing my behaviour with other people.
Thank you, Madeline, for writing about this 🙂
I think that is key isn’t it, modelling the behaviour you want from your child. x