seven small coloured hearts

7 amazing facts about love

by with No Comment PsychologyRelationships

It’s that time of year, when love really does seem to be all around.  And I’m embracing it, because love really is pretty wonderful.

So today I’m giving you 7 amazing facts about love to help you get in the Valentine’s day spirit.

7 amazing facts about love

7 amazing facts about love

 

1.  Your heart rate can synchronise with your partner’s

People often talk about being in sync with their partner, and apparently this can quite literally be true.

A small study carried out by Ferrer and Helm in 2012 found that when couples gazed calmly into each other’s eyes for three minutes their heart rates changed so that they were in sync.

 

2.  Hugging a loved one can reduce pain

I’ve written before about the wonders of Oxytocin and how it can make us feel better.  This amazing hormone is produced when we hug our loved ones, and according to research carried out in America it can really help reduce pain.

The researchers gave patients with headaches a dose of oxytocin as a nasal spray, and found that 50% of the patients reported their headache pain was half as bad as a result.  Not bad, considering only 11% of patients who were given a placebo reported their pain was reduced after four hours.

So next time you have a headache, try having a good cuddle rather than reaching for some tablets.

 

3.  Looking at a photo of them can also reduce pain

If you’re in pain and your partner’s not around to give you a hug, then try just looking at a photo of them instead.

A study carried out at Stanford University found that participants felt a significant reduction in pain when looking at a photo of their partner, compared to when they looked at a photo of an acquaintance.

 

4.  Love changes over time

If you’ve been with your partner for years you’ll know that things are different now from the way they were when you first got together.  Researchers from the University of Pavia have found that the romantic love we feel at the start of a relationship, the kind that leaves you ever so slightly giddy, lasts about a year.  That’s not necessarily a bad thing though, after that time couples move to a more stable, companionate love.

 

3 small pink wooden hearts

 

5.  Love is a drug

Well, it acts just like one.  When we fall in love our brains release chemicals and hormones that produce the same effect on us as taking Cocaine.   The chemicals work quickly too; a study carried out at Syracuse University found that we can fall in love in as little as a fifth of a second.

 

6.  You can feel happier by expressing gratitude to your loved ones

If you want a happiness boost, take a minute to phone someone you love and tell them how grateful you are for them and the things they’ve done for you in the past.  Studies have shown that thinking about how thankful you are for them can make you feel a little bit happier, but actually phoning them up and telling them how grateful you are causes a significantly bigger jump in your own happiness.

 

7.  Love is what matters the most

A pretty epic study was carried out over the course of 75 years that found that ultimately love is all that really matters in living a fulfilled life.

The Harvard Grant Study followed a group of 268 men for 75 years and collected data on various parts of their lives at regular intervals.  One of their main findings at the end of the study was that love is key to a happy and fulfilling life.

The psychiatrist who directed the study, George Vaillant, wrote that there are two pillars of happiness, “One is love, the other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.”

He felt that the most important finding from the study is that the only thing that really matters in life is love, and the relationships we form.

 

So there you have it, 7 pretty amazing facts about love. 

And it’s not all about the love you might have as part of a couple.  The love you feel for your child, or your best friend, is just as powerful.  It’s all about connection more than anything else.

things to do to show children love every day

5 things to do every day to let your children know you love them

by with 35 Comments Family lifeParentingRelationships

This is kind of stating the obvious, but I love my children.

I love them with every part of me.

But there are times when I wonder if they are aware of quite how loved they are.  They hear the words a lot, from both me and their Daddy.  But sometimes I think hearing the words isn’t quite enough.  I think they need more than that.

So I’ve come up with 5 things I can do every day to make sure they know I love them.

5 things to do everyday to let your children know you love them

5 things to do every day to let your children know you love them.

 1.  Say it.

Say “I love you” as much as you can.  This is a nice easy place to start if you’re anything like me.  We say “I love you” several times a day.  And when it comes unexpectedly you can just see their faces light up.

If you spend a fair bit of your day away from your child then think about leaving them a note in their lunchbox, or hidden in their bag, telling them you love them.

 

2.  Hug it out.

Give them a hug. And let them be the first to let go.

Generally just let them be physically close to you.

I know there are times when that much physical contact can just get too much.  I know I’ve had days when I’ve felt really touched out by bedtime.  But as much as you can, let them be close to you.

Cwtch up close on the sofa when you read or watch tv together.  Hold their hands as you walk.  Any time they reach out to you for contact, give them what they need.

 

3.  Ask them about their day.

On the way home from school, or nursery, or as you get them ready for bed, ask them about their day.  And really listen to their answer.  Ask follow on questions, and echo back key points they make so they really feel that you understand.

If you don’t get much from them when you ask “how was your day?”, then try asking about their favourite thing that happened that day.

 

4.  Let them overhear you saying good things about them.

Talk to your partner about something good your child has done that day, but make sure you do it so that they can overhear you.  Don’t make it obvious you’re doing it so they can hear you, let them think that you don’t know they’re listening.

Hearing you happily telling someone else about how great you think they are is a fab way to boost their self-esteem as well as letting them know how much you love them.

 

5.  Be visibly happy to see them.

There’s a photo that’s been doing the round recently.  A nursery in Houston put a sign up on its door telling parents to get off their phones when they picked their children up.  I don’t like the way the note was worded, but I do agree with the sentiment.

Of course there are times when we might have to take an important phone call just as the school doors open.  Or we might have a baby with us who need our attention at that moment.  But I do think it’s really important to make an effort to stop what we’re doing and greet our children with a big smile and a hug when they come out of school.

They need to know that we’re happy to see them!  The same goes for other situations too.  Look up from what you’re doing when they come in the room, and flash them a smile.  And when you first see them in the morning, try and move past the brain fog and grumpiness and say good morning to them with a happy voice.

 

So there you go, 5 things we can all try and do every day to show our children how much we love them.

If you want to go a bit further with this then you can read this post I wrote a while ago about love languages.  Once you’ve worked out what love language your child speaks then you can find even more little ways to show love in the way that they need you to.

Do you do any/all of these things with your children regularly?  Are there any other little things you do with your children to show your love?

This post has been linked up with KCACOLS.

 

What my parents have taught me about love

Things my parents have taught me about love and marriage

by with 12 Comments PersonalRelationships

My parents will have been married for 46 years in August, and they’re still very much in love.  They have given me something to strive for in my own marriage.  Seriously, if Steve and I are as happy as they are in 40 years time I’ll count myself very lucky.

I don’t see my parents anywhere near as much as I’d like to (they’re in Kent and I’m in Swansea) and most of our chats are spent catching up on day to day life and what’s happening with our family (my parents have 7 grandchildren to keep track of!).  I don’t really get the chance to talk about relationships that much with my Mum, but from the chats we’ve had in the past and from watching my parents together I’ve managed to learn a few things:

Things my parents have taught me about love and marriage

 

Always say ‘I love you’

This is something that Steve and I seem to do quite naturally anyway.  There is a lot of love expressed in our house every day, between the two of us and between us and the kids.  And I do wonder if it’s something I say a lot because I heard it a lot growing up.

And even now, whenever I go and visit my parents I’ll hear a real heartfelt “Oh I do love you” from one to the other several times a day.  It’s so genuine and so ‘meant’ that it’s just really nice to hear.  Especially when they don’t necessarily know we can hear them say it!

 

It’s the little things that count

Research has shown that it’s the little things couples do for each other that really help  a relationship survive, and maybe that’s part of my parents’ secret.  There are little things that they do for each other that are really appreciated, like my dad bringing my mum a cup of tea to have in bed every morning.  It may seem small but it’s really important in making you feel like you matter to your partner.

 

“Choose a man who makes you laugh”

This is the one piece of advice my mum gave me time and again over the years.  It makes sense really, if you’re going to spend your life with someone you want to be able to have a giggle with them!  My parents have a very similar sense of humour and a real sense of silliness and there is always a lot of laughter when we’re all together.  I think Mamie’s advice will be passed on Nerys –  “choose a man who makes you laugh”.

 

Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith

Before my parents were married my dad lived and worked in Germany for a while.  In fact, he was living there in the run up to the wedding, meaning that the first time my parents saw each other for some time was when they were at the alter ready to say their vows.

Bear in mind, this was before the time of video calls and skype and Facebook!  It was a bit of a leap of faith to commit to being married having spent so much time living away from each other.  But thank God they leapt!

Nothing in life and love is guaranteed, but sometimes taking that leap into the unknown is the best possible thing to do.

 

Make time for each other

It can be so easy, once you’re in an established relationship, to stop really spending time together.  Especially when there’s work and children also in the mix.  I’m very aware that I don’t spend enough quality time with my husband, just the two of us.  Especially at the moment, when I’m still up throughout the night with Nerys, I’m so tired in the evenings that I often head to bed pretty early.  And our weekends are spent as a family or with me trying to catch up on sleep!

My parents, on the other hand, have always known how important it is to spend time just as a couple.  Even when we were little and money was tight, they would go out and share half a pint at the pub, just to have time to be a couple.  This is definitely something I need to make more of a priority.

 

But also have time to just be you

On the flip side, my parents have shown me how important it is to also have time away from each other, to do things that you enjoy that they might not be so interested in!  They do a lot together but also have their own time and interests away from each other.  Like on a Sunday, my mum will go to church and my dad will go and spend time on his allotment.

What my parents have taught me about love and marriage

I’m sure there must be lots more that they’ve taught me about love and marriage: maybe I’ll do a follow up post with another set of things I’ve learnt from them.

Maybe the most important thing to take away from this is that my parents aren’t perfect, and of course they bicker and wind each other up and I’m sure they’ve been through their struggles, but all the positives have always completely outweighed all of that.  What’s that saying about love conquering all?!  I do believe that’s true sometimes.

So, thank you Mummy and Daddy, for showing me what love and marriage is all about, for giving me something to strive for and for showing that, despite all the statistics about failed marriages, there is hope that they can last and last!

It's the little things in love that matter

It’s the little things that matter in love

by with 2 Comments Family lifeRelationships
When you’re in a relationship, do you tend to think it’s the little things or the big, grand gestures that mean the most?
The ‘Enduring love’ research project has been looking into this question and the results show that, in long-term relationships, it’s the little things that we do for our partners day to day and week by week that matter the most.
It's the little things that matter in love
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This has made me think about the little things I can do to show my husband how much he means to me.

The first thing that comes to mind is to make sure I compliment him when I think he looks good.  I’m so guilty of thinking he looks nice but not actually saying it!

 

Having searched the internet for inspiration, here’s my list of other little things that might really make a difference in how happy and content you both are day to day in your relationship:

 

  • Pay attention to the things your partner does for you, and make sure you say thank you for it
  • Give your partner genuine compliments
  • Say nice things about them to other people
  • Talk positively about them to your children
  • Leave them the last chocolate
  • Make them a cup of tea or coffee in the morning
  • Bring them a cup of tea or breakfast in bed at the weekend
  • Get up with the kids so they can have a lie in
  • Do their least favourite job around the house for them
  • Write them love notes (or love texts/emails)
  • Run them a bath after work
  • Take the kids out for a few hours so they can have some peace
  • Send a text or call them for no reason other than to let them know you’re thinking of them
  • Bring them little gifts
  • Tell them you love them
  • Bring them flowers

 

The research seems to show that all these little things done day to day add up to mean so much more than a grand gesture once a year.  They’re constant reminders that we are loved and appreciated and that our partners think about us and care about our happiness.

If you want to really make sure that the little things you’re doing are making your partner feel loved then you can check what love language they speak and go out of your way to do things in the way that speaks their language.

I know that I really appreciate it when I get up in the morning to find that my husband has cleaned up the night before, and when he comes home from work with a bar of chocolate for me it can really make my day!

What little things matter most to you in a relationship?