Things my parents have taught me about love and marriage

My parents will have been married for 46 years in August, and they’re still very much in love.  They have given me something to strive for in my own marriage.  Seriously, if Steve and I are as happy as they are in 40 years time I’ll count myself very lucky.

I don’t see my parents anywhere near as much as I’d like to (they’re in Kent and I’m in Swansea) and most of our chats are spent catching up on day to day life and what’s happening with our family (my parents have 7 grandchildren to keep track of!).  I don’t really get the chance to talk about relationships that much with my Mum, but from the chats we’ve had in the past and from watching my parents together I’ve managed to learn a few things:

Always say ‘I love you’

This is something that Steve and I seem to do quite naturally anyway.  There is a lot of love expressed in our house every day, between the two of us and between us and the kids.  And I do wonder if it’s something I say a lot because I heard it a lot growing up.

And even now, whenever I go and visit my parents I’ll hear a real heartfelt “Oh I do love you” from one to the other several times a day.  It’s so genuine and so ‘meant’ that it’s just really nice to hear.  Especially when they don’t necessarily know we can hear them say it!

It’s the little things that count

Research has shown that it’s the little things couples do for each other that really help  a relationship survive, and maybe that’s part of my parents’ secret.  There are little things that they do for each other that are really appreciated, like my dad bringing my mum a cup of tea to have in bed every morning.  It may seem small but it’s really important in making you feel like you matter to your partner.

“Choose a man who makes you laugh”

This is the one piece of advice my mum gave me time and again over the years.  It makes sense really, if you’re going to spend your life with someone you want to be able to have a giggle with them!  My parents have a very similar sense of humour and a real sense of silliness and there is always a lot of laughter when we’re all together.  I think Mamie’s advice will be passed on Nerys –  “choose a man who makes you laugh”.

Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith

Before my parents were married my dad lived and worked in Germany for a while.  In fact, he was living there in the run up to the wedding, meaning that the first time my parents saw each other for some time was when they were at the alter ready to say their vows.

Bear in mind, this was before the time of video calls and skype and Facebook!  It was a bit of a leap of faith to commit to being married having spent so much time living away from each other.  But thank God they leapt!

Nothing in life and love is guaranteed, but sometimes taking that leap into the unknown is the best possible thing to do.

Make time for each other

It can be so easy, once you’re in an established relationship, to stop really spending time together.  Especially when there’s work and children also in the mix.  I’m very aware that I don’t spend enough quality time with my husband, just the two of us.  Especially at the moment, when I’m still up throughout the night with Nerys, I’m so tired in the evenings that I often head to bed pretty early.  And our weekends are spent as a family or with me trying to catch up on sleep!

My parents, on the other hand, have always known how important it is to spend time just as a couple.  Even when we were little and money was tight, they would go out and share half a pint at the pub, just to have time to be a couple.  This is definitely something I need to make more of a priority.

But also have time to just be you

On the flip side, my parents have shown me how important it is to also have time away from each other, to do things that you enjoy that they might not be so interested in!  They do a lot together but also have their own time and interests away from each other.  Like on a Sunday, my mum will go to church and my dad will go and spend time on his allotment.

I’m sure there must be lots more that they’ve taught me about love and marriage: maybe I’ll do a follow up post with another set of things I’ve learnt from them.

Maybe the most important thing to take away from this is that my parents aren’t perfect, and of course they bicker and wind each other up and I’m sure they’ve been through their struggles, but all the positives have always completely outweighed all of that.  What’s that saying about love conquering all?!  I do believe that’s true sometimes.

So, thank you Mummy and Daddy, for showing me what love and marriage is all about, for giving me something to strive for and for showing that, despite all the statistics about failed marriages, there is hope that they can last and last!