I remember my mum telling me not long after I had Rhys that you lose several layers of skin when you become a mum.
Not literally of course, but metaphorically.
You open yourself and your heart up to so much more when you have a child. I was never particularly thick-skinned anyway but I know that some things get to me so much more now that I’m a parent.
Like how I can’t seem to watch a nativity play without fighting back tears. Something so small just hits me in an overly emotional way now I have my own children.
So it makes complete sense to think that big life events can be more stressful, and more emotional, for parents than for people without children.
I think it’s partly to do with the different hormones that our bodies produce throughout pregnancy and in response to caring for our children once they’re born.
And while lots of people claim that baby brain isn’t a thing, I’m convinced that our brains rewire themselves as mothers. Our priorities change, as we’re suddenly completely responsible for the wellbeing of this tiny person.
When it comes to big life events like moving house or making big career decisions, we’re not just thinking about ourselves any more. We have to factor in how these choices will affect the whole family.
We have to somehow make sure that everyone’s needs are met, while dealing with potentially a lot of upheaval.
Moving house is quite often mentioned as one of the most stressful life events, along with things like the death of a loved one, divorce and imprisonment. A study was recently carried out by Online Mortgage Advisor which asked 1307 people who had completed on their house about their experiences. 64% of these people said that the process of moving home was the most stressful thing they’d experienced in the last 5 years.
Another 30% of these people said it was in their top 5 most stressful experiences of the last 5 years.
What’s particularly interesting is that they found that parents were twice as likely than non-parents to describe their stress levels when moving home as ‘extreme’. And women were more likely than men to experience stress in general during the process of moving home.
It does make sense though, that parents would find moving house particularly stressful.
There are so many more factors to consider when you have children. Are you moving to a good school catchment area? Will your children settle in well in the new house? How on earth do you work out the logistics of packing up a house and setting up in a new home with children of any age under your feet?!
And while you’re working through all of these thoughts you’re also dealing with the emotional side of it all. That thin skin that my mum told me about means that the slightest comment from a child about not wanting to move house can hit so much harder than it should.
You second guess your choices at every turn and worry that you’re doing the right thing.
It’s the same with making big decisions about your career.
So many women struggle with the decision to go back to work outside the home after having children. It seems that whatever choice you make you feel guilty about it, and you worry about the impact it will have on your family.
I think the thing to remember is that this new level of worry and stress and just feeling everything ten times more is completely normal.
And if you’re worrying that the choice you’re making means you’re a bad parent then you’re almost certainly an amazing one.
The best thing you can do is talk it through.
If you’re going through a major change in your life find someone to chat to about it all. Also, more and more companies are realising that they need to address the emotional impact of things like moving house too.
Online Mortgage Advisor have worked with a clarity coach to create an online wellbeing portal for homeowners, full of advice to help ease some of the stress tied in with moving home.
So if you’re thinking above moving, or are in the process of moving at the moment, that could help make things a bit less stressful.
Have you found that you’re more emotional and things hit you harder now that you’re a parent? What big life events and changes have you experienced since having your children?
Disclosure: this is a collaborative post