hidden-flower-meanings

The power of flowers – psychological benefits of flowers

by with No Comment PsychologyUncategorized

I think everyone will most likely agree that there is something special about flowers.

They make us happy, brightening up walks through the park and adding a splash of colour to our homes.

But did you know that there are some real psychological benefits to spending time around flowers?

power-flowers-psychological-benefits

A study carried out at Harvard medical school found that flowers really do make us happier, and reduce anxiety and negativity.

The people who took part in the study reported that they felt less negative after just a few days of having flowers in their homes, and that they found themselves keen to look at the flowers when they woke up in the morning.

Nancy Etcoff who conducted the research said:

“As a psychologist, I’m particularly intrigued to find that people who live with flowers report fewer episodes of anxiety and depressed feelings.  Our results suggest that flowers have a positive impact on our well-being.”

What’s particularly interesting is that these positive emotions stay with us throughout the day.

Etcoff found that people were more likely to feel enthusiastic and happy at work if they had seen flowers in their home in the morning.

This is echoed in research carried out in Tokyo which found that looking at roses in the work place led to people feeling more comfortable and relaxed as they went about their working day.  So it seems that workplaces could benefit from having more flowers and plants around for employees to enjoy.

daffodils-hidden-flower-meanings

Another slightly surprising finding from Etcoff’s study is that living with fresh-cut flowers in their homes for less than a week led to people feeling more compassionate and kind towards other people.

I wonder if that’s how the flower industry works.

One person buys some flowers for their home, which leads to them feeling kinder towards other people.  So they buy a bunch of flowers for someone else, as an act of kindness.  That person then also feels happier, and kinder, and so they buy flowers for someone else!  And on and on it goes!

If you want to give someone you love a boost by buying them some flowers, you might want to take a minute to consider the meaning behind the ones you choose.

Roses, for example, represent love.

Not all that surprising, they are the classic gift to give your partner on valentine’s day and are closely linked with all things love.

They do have other, hidden meanings though, depending on the colour you pick out.  

White roses represent sympathy, while peach coloured ones represent friendship.  So take a moment to consider the person you’re buying for, and the situation, before you make your final decision!

There are loads more hidden meanings behind all sorts of flowers, and the experts at Flying Flowers have put together a brilliant guide to them over on their site.

tulips-hidden-flower-meanings

I don’t have one particular flower that I like more than the rest, although tulips are up there for me.

I love the vibrant colours of the different varieties, and think there’s something really beautiful in their simplicity.  And I’m clearly not the only one who loves them, as 76% of people asked in a recent survey said that they would choose tulips if they were to buy flowers for someone’s birthday or anniversary, or to say congratulations to someone.

Do you always have flowers in your home, or are they a special treat once in a while?  What type of flowers do you normally pick out?  

I’d love to know your choices and your reasons for them in the comments!

 

Disclaimer – this is a collaborative post

help-children-learn-patient

How to help children learn to be patient

by with One Comment ParentingPsychology

As we head into the school summer holidays, I’ve been thinking about the things I would like to do with Rhys and Nerys during the break.

Of course the bulk of our summer to-do list is made up of things like go to the beach, play at the park all day, spend time with family and friends and generally relax and have fun.

There are some other things on that list though that I plan on doing with the children to help them both prepare for moving up a year at school when September comes around.  One of the things on that list for both of them is to work on their patience.

If you have children that, like mine, sometimes find it hard to wait patiently for things, or who interrupt others, or generally find being patient hard, here are some things that might help:

how-help-children-learn-be-patient

 

Start by slowing down 

If you always respond to your children’s requests immediately then they will always expect to get what they want straight away.  Then when they’re forced to wait in a queue somewhere, or for food at a restaurant, they’ll find it hard because they’re not used to it.

So next time you’re in the middle of making dinner and they ask you to come and see the picture they drew, explain that you’re right in the middle of something and will be with them in a minute.

Start by getting them to wait just a minute until you do what they’ve asked, then gradually increase the amount of time you ask them to wait for as they get used to the idea of you not jumping every time they want something.

 

Practise taking turns

One way of helping children learn to be patient is to play games that require them to take turns.  It can be as simple as a game of snap.  Or get some board games out and spend a rainy afternoon playing snakes and ladders.

These kind of games are great as children have to learn to wait for the right outcome to be able to finish the game, as well as having to wait for their turn.  Patiently waiting until you roll the right number on the dice to be able to climb the ladder and avoid the snake can be hard for children, but is a fab way to start learning to be patient to be able to get what we want.

 

Expose them to more situations that require patience

Now this is a hard one for me I’ll admit.  If I know my children are likely to get frustrated and wound up in a certain situation then my immediate reaction is to want to avoid that situation!  What I actually need to do is take a deep breath and expose them to that situation more, so they can practise and learn how to handle it better.

So, if you have a toddler that finds waiting for their turn on the swing at the park hard, keep taking them to the park.  The more you do it, and the more you explain the need to be nice and polite and to let others have a turn, the quicker they will learn.

 

Be more patient yourself

When I say I want to work on patience with the children this summer, I am aware that I also need to work on it myself.

I try and keep my patience as best I can, but I know I’m guilty of getting snappy when we need to be out the front door and they’re messing around instead of putting their shoes and coats on.  What I really need to be doing is modelling the behaviour that I want from them.

See, being patient isn’t just about waiting, it’s waiting calmly, without grumbling, nagging, sighing and so on.

So I need to allow an extra few minutes in the mornings so that Rhys can practice tying his own shoelaces without me standing over him, itching to just do it myself.  If I can keep calm, and cheerful even, when waiting for them to get a move on then they will hopefully learn to do the same when they’re waiting for something.

 

Acknowledge their frustration

A lot of the time children just want to be heard, and to have their feelings acknowledged.  So if you’re waiting in a queue somewhere and your child is getting impatient  then get down to their eye level and let them know that you understand that it’s hard to wait.

Naming their feelings can really help them, so talk to them about how you understand that they feel frustrated, or angry, or bored, and then help to distract them with a little game or a song to help pass the time.

 

Use visual or vocal measures of time

One thing that makes waiting hard for younger children is that they don’t have a concrete idea of time.

So saying ‘wait 2 minutes’ doesn’t really mean much to them.  If you set a timer for two minutes though, they can see the time going down and have a much clearer idea of how long they need to wait for.

An alternative is to let them know that you’ll be over to help them with their puzzle, for example, after they’ve sung a particular song twice.  This gives them a concrete idea of how long they have to wait, and also gives them something to do to distract them while they’re waiting.

 

Involve them in activities that require patience

Board games aren’t the only activity you can do with your children to help them learn to be patient.

One thing you can try is to bake cakes together.  This is something I do with my children quite a bit and I can see that it is helping them to understand that some things you just have to wait for.

Another thing you can try is planting seeds with your children.  Get some cress seeds and an empty yoghurt pot and get planting.  Talk to your children about how you can’t hurry the cress along, you just have to wait for it to grow in its own time.

Anything that helps them to understand that they can’t always have what they want immediately will contribute to their growing ability to be patient.

 

I’m hoping that trying a mix of all these things will really help Rhys and Nerys learn some patience.

Do you have any top tips for teaching children to be patient?  I’d love to hear them in the comments if you have found something else that works!

mild-peril-sensitive-children

How to help your child when they’re scared by tv programmes and films

by with 12 Comments ParentingPersonalPsychology

Before I had my children I used to find it quite funny when a warning came up saying that a film featured ‘mild peril’.  It just always sounded a little silly to me.

Now though, I really appreciate it.

See, Rhys is a really sensitive child.  He does not like anything with the slightest bit of peril, or threat. He watched Moana for the first time with Steve, and kept asking him to turn it off, and constantly looked for reassurance that the characters would be ok.

In recent weeks he’s asked me to turn off ‘Grandpa in my pocket’, ‘Sofia the first’ and ‘Peter rabbit’, amongst other things.  Not programmes that are obviously scary at all.  But it seems that even the slightest hint of characters being in danger or things going wrong is enough to make Rhys feel really uneasy.

If you have a child who, like Rhys, seems to be easily scared by things they see on tv, here are some ideas of how to help them.

how-help-child-scared-tv-films

  • Respect their feelings, don’t belittle them

When your child asks you to turn off something as seemingly benign as Sofia the first, your first instinct can be to tell them not to be silly, and that there’s nothing to be scared of.  But it’s so important to fight that urge and respect that, for them, the fear is very real.

Telling them they’re being silly or that they need to grow up as there’s nothing to be scared of won’t do anything to reduce their feelings of fear.  What it might do though is make them feel that they need to hide their fear from you in the future.

If they say they’re scared by something they’re watching, then reassure them that you will respect their feelings and turn it off if they really are scared.

 

  • Watch with them

If your child is watching something and they tell you it is scaring them, then stop and sit down to watch it with them.

Talk them through what is happening, and ask them what it is about the situation that is making them feel uneasy.  You might find that talking about it helps to lessen their fear.  It can also help to let them see that you’re not scared by what is happening.

 

  • Remember that children don’t care about spoilers

As adults we are so worried about spoilers, when it comes to our favourite tv programmes.  I mean, I got up in the middle of the night to watch the new episodes of Game of Thrones last year so that I could happily go online the next day and not have to worry about spoilers!

Children though, couldn’t care less about spoilers.

Think about it, they’ll happily watch the same film 4 times in a day, and not be bothered in the slightest about the fact that they know exactly what is going to happen.

So if you know how the scary situation will resolve itself in the programme or film they’re watching, then go ahead and tell them.  Knowing that things will work out ok might be enough for them to get past their fear.

 

  • Look at ratings and guidelines

This is where the ‘mild peril’ warning comes in really handy.

If you’re looking for a film to watch with your child then check what rating it’s been given and look out for any warnings about ‘mild peril’ or ‘mild threat’.  Make sure you’re putting on a film that has been rated as suitable for your child’s age, and keep in mind the sorts of things that your child tends to find scary.

Another thing to think about is trying to find something to watch that has main characters that are confident and shown to be managing their own fear.  There’s been research carried out that found that confident main characters help children to feel thrilled by scenes of danger and peril, rather than feel scared by them.

 

My approach with Rhys at the moment is to try and get him to explain to me what it is about what he’s watching that is scaring him.  I try to reassure him that it is ok to feel scared, but that things will work out for the characters in the end.  If after that he is still feeling uneasy and asking for me to change the channel then I’ll respect that and put something else on.

Does your child tend to get easily scared by things they see on tv?  How do you normally handle the situation?

 

Cuddle Fairy
Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
first-impressions

How quickly do you form first impressions?

by with One Comment PsychologyUncategorized

When you first meet someone, how quickly do you think you form that all important first impression of them?

A minute maybe?

A little longer?

how-quickly-form-first-impressions
From the colour of a person’s eyes to the office reception furniture of the company you’re interviewing for; we assess every detail unbelievably quickly and form quite lasting first impressions.

Turns out we form an impression of a stranger from their face alone in a tenth of a second.

Psychologists Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov carried out a series of experiments which found that we form these impressions of people in a staggeringly short amount of time, and that looking at a person’s face for longer doesn’t significantly alter those first impressions.

Part of the reason why we often stick to our first impressions is confirmation bias.  Generally speaking, we like to be right about things.  So once we’ve formed an opinion of someone or something we look for, and pay more attention to, evidence that backs it up.  So if we decide in the first second of meeting someone that they are stuck up, for example, then we’ll pay attention to other details about them and their actions that seems to support that idea.

There have been quite a few studies carried out that have looked at first impressions, and they’ve produced some fascinating results.

Apparently men with brown eyes tend to be perceived as more dominant.  What’s interesting though is that it’s not just because their eyes are brown.  A study by study by Karel Kleisner et al found that men with brown eyes also seem to have other facial features that cause others to perceive them as more dominant.  So, a blue-eyed man wearing brown coloured contact lenses wouldn’t be seen in the same way.

What you wear can also influence what people think of you, right down to your shoes.  A study by Omri Gillatha et al. found that people judge those wearing practical and affordable shoes to be more agreeable,  while people who wear shoes that look brand new and in good repair are perceived to be more concerned about making a good impression and avoiding rejection.

Makes me wonder a bit what people think of me when they look at my pink shoes!

first-impression-shoes

There’s more to it than just the way we look though.

Psychologists at Northeastern University carried out a study which found that people who make more eye contact when they’re chatting are perceived as more intelligent.  Just be careful not to overdo it, too much constant eye contact can easily make people feel uncomfortable.

Picking up the pace when you talk can also change how people perceive you.  Research carried out in the 70s found that people assume that those who talk faster are more competent.  Those who talk more slowly, on the other hand, were perceived as being less truthful and less persuasive.  Maybe that’s why Lorelai did so well for herself in the end in Gilmore Girls, she talked so fast that people believed she was capable of anything!

Of course, it’s not just people that we form super quick first impressions of.
first-impressions-home

We do the same with places.

A study commissioned by Airwick found that it takes us around 26 seconds to form an opinion of someone’s house when we go and visit them for the first time.  So, a little longer than it takes us to form an impression of a person, but still pretty quick!

As you might expect, the things we that give us a positive impression of a person and their home is a pleasant smell when you walk in, a clear and clean entrance way and a general ‘homely’ vibe.  For me, I think that vibe or gut feeling about a place is really important.  You know how some places just feel right to you, as soon as you walk through the door.I know when I was trying to decide what school to send Rhys to, one of the things that swayed me towards the school we chose was the atmosphere there when we went for a visit.

Businesses too know that this first impression that people form is incredibly important.  Shops spend ages putting together their window displays to entice people in, and all sorts of businesses make a real effort to make sure their reception area looks good and gives a positive impression of the company.

The company I used to work for have revamped their reception area, with lovely colourful furniture and it looks really inviting now.  Those first impressions really do count, especially when we make them as quickly as we do!

What impression do you think people make of you in that first tenth of a second?!
Disclosure – this is a collaborative post
3 tricks help remember more

Try these 3 tricks to help you remember more

by with 12 Comments Psychology

Rhys has always had a good memory.

He just seems to have this natural ability to retain information.  And he definitely gets it from his father, not me!

My memory is really quite shocking.  I’m not sure if it was ever great (I can’t remember, ha!) but it’s definitely declined since having the children.  I think baby brain is a very real thing, and that combined with lack of sleep and generally trying to keep track of 100 different things, as you do when you’re a parent, has resulted in me being quite forgetful.

My coping strategy so far has been to use lists.

I have lists everywhere.  Of everything.  Although, annoyingly, sometimes I forget where I’ve put my carefully written lists!

So I think it’s time to try some other techniques to help with my memory.  After doing some research I think these 3 tricks are a good place to start.

Try these 3 tricks to help you remember more

Try a mnemonic device

Mnemonic devices are techniques we can use to help improve how well we remember things.  There are various mnemonics we can use, so there should be something out there for anything we might need to remember.

The most common mnemonics seem to be music mnemonics and expression/word mnemonics.

So, children learning the alphabet by singing the abc song, are actually using a music mnemonic to help them remember it.

And how do you remember how many days are in each month?  Chances are you recite the little poem ’30 days hath September’, to help you.  That would be an expression mnemonic!

Of course, that one’s not too helpful for me because I always end up saying this version that I learnt as a child.

30 days hath September

30 days hath September, April, June and no wonder.  All the rest have jam for tea except for Grandmother who rides a bicycle.

Not entirely helpful!

One expression mnemonic that I do still find really handy to this day is the one I use to help me remember the order of the colours in a rainbow.

Richard-of-york-rainbow

 

I’ve said this to myself so many times in recent years as my children get me to help them draw pictures of rainbows!

Putting this into practice then, I could come up with a little rhyme or sentence to help me remember that I need to get bread, milk, apples, grapes and cheese from the shops.  Hmm, how about Bring Me A Giant Coffee!  I think I could remember that!

 

Get visual

Visualising the thing you want to remember can be really helpful.

So going back to my little shopping list, I could visualise myself holding each item I needed to buy.  The more vivid and detailed you can make that mental image, the better.

Another way to use visualisation to help remember things is to use the method of loci.

Basically this involves mentally placing the items you need to remember in various places around your home.  Then when you need to recall the items, you ‘walk’ through your house and see, for example, a load of bread by the front door, a pint of milk sitting on the sofa, an apple on every step on the staircase, and so on.

 

Get vocal

If visualising isn’t your thing, then maybe getting vocal will help instead.  Research has found that reading things out loud significantly improves our memory of what we’ve read.  I wrote a post a while ago about the fact that saying the name of a missing item can help you to find it, because it focuses your attention on it and helps you remember where you last saw it.

Saying things out loud really does seem to cement them more in our memories.  So, next time you’re introduced to a new mum friend make sure to repeat their name when they tell you it – “so nice to meet you Claire” – and then use it again a few times in the conversation with them.

I really need to do this more, it might reduce the number of people that I refer to as ‘so and so’s mum’!

 

So there we go, 3 things to try to help me remember things better.

I really hope that using a mixture of these three techniques will help me to improve my memory.

Do you use any of these tricks?  What is your failsafe way to remember things?

 

You Baby Me Mummy
binge watching why how

Binge-watching – why we do it and how to do it right

by with 5 Comments PersonalPsychology

Picture this.

It’s the weekend, the kids are in bed and you’re curled up on a big comfy sofa.  You’ve got a super soft blanket wrapped round you, a big mug of coffee in your hand (or a big glass of wine depending on how long a week it’s been!) and a pile of snacks within arm’s reach.  In front of you is a beautifully sleek Panasonic HDR 4k tv, perfect to transport you away to whatever fictional place takes your fancy.

If you’re after a bit of fantasy escapism then you might head to the seven kingdoms, or if it’s comfort you’re after then maybe you’ll choose Stars Hollow.  Wherever you decide to go, chances are you’ll be there for more than one episode!

Why is that though?  What is it that makes binge watching shows so appealing?  

Binge watching

I can still remember the first time I really binge-watched a tv series.  

It was before we had the children, and were still living in a little one bed flat in town.  We used to watch CSI every week, and then after a while we splashed out on the dvd of the first series.  We put it on, only meaning to watch one or two episodes.  But we just kept watching.  Before we knew it, hours had passed and we had watched what’s probably an unhealthy amount of episodes.

It was just too easy to keep watching, as each episode started playing automatically after the previous one finished.

Since then I’ve binge watched loads of different series.  When I was breastfeeding Nerys I watched so much tv, I used to watch things during night feeds as well as during the day when she fed.

More recently I watched Game of Thrones in its entirety in an alarmingly short amount of time.

So what exactly is behind this?  Why are so many of us unable to stop watching after just one episode?  

There are several reasons that I can think of.

  • It’s just so easy

I honestly think this is a big reason why I watch more than one episode at a time of my favourite programmes.  I watch a lot of things on Netflix, and it’s all too easy to just keep watching when the next episode autoplays before the credits have finished rolling on the episode before!

 

  • We don’t want to be left behind

When everyone else is all caught up with the latest must-watch programme, we want to be too.  It’s as simple as that, we don’t want to be left out of conversations.  I know for me personally, I started watching Game of Thrones from the start so that I was up to speed with it when season six aired.  After resisting watching it for so long, I finally gave in and decided I would give it a go, but I didn’t want to be seeing spoilers all the time, so felt I needed to catch up and then watch the new episodes as soon as I could.

 

  • It makes us feel good

Watching tv is, generally, a relaxing and enjoyable pastime.  A study by Harris Interactive found that three-quarters of the people they asked who regularly binge-watched shows on Netflix, had positive feelings about doing so.  Studies have found that when we’re really drawn into a tv programme we show a lot of empathy towards the characters.  This then causes us to produce more oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, which makes us feel good.  So, of course, we want to keep watching more to keep feeling good!

 

  • The writing has adapted to get us to keep watching

Now this is interesting.  The way programmes are written has changed to make us more likely to watch more than one episode at a time.  Think back to the days before on-demand tv.  When you had to wait a whole week between episodes of Friends.  Each episode worked as a stand-alone piece.  Yes, there were longer running story arcs, and occasional cliff-hangers, but most episodes were pretty self-contained.  Now though, the writers are going for much more detailed story arcs, and creating worlds that we want to immerse ourselves in.  You can’t just dip in and watch a single episode of these programmes the same way you could with Friends.  I’ve not seen Breaking Bad, and I know if I tried to watch an episode from partway through the series I wouldn’t have a clue what was going on!

 

  • It gives us somewhere to escape to

If you’ve had a really busy day and are feeling stressed out and worn out, watching 2 or 3 episodes of your favourite show back to back lets you really get engrossed in it and forget your own bad day.  Cultural anthropologist Grant McCracken carried out some research on behalf of Netflix and found that 8 out of 10 viewers felt that binge-watching something was more enjoyable that just watching one episode.  His conclusion was that our non-stop lifestyles aren’t leading us to want to zone out to mindless tv, instead we’re drawn to these shows that tell in-depth stories and create alternative worlds for us to lose ourselves in.

 

 

So now we know why we do it, what’s the right way to binge watch something?

Well firstly, you want to make the experience as enjoyable as possible, so try and create a great environment to watch it like I described at the start of this post.

Choose something to watch based on the mood you’re in, or the mood you want to be in.  If I want to really get engrossed in something for a bit then I’ll go for a programme like Game of Thrones or Prison Break.  If I’m feeling a bit low and in need of some warm and fuzzies then I’ll put Gilmore Girls on.  And if I’m a bit fried then something easy to watch is in order, like How I met your mother or Charmed.

On a more serious note, take a minute to think about why you might be binge watching.  If it’s just that you’ve had a long week and want to get lost in something for a few hours then I don’t see the harm.  If, on the other hand, you’re using it as a way of procrastinating or of trying to forget something that’s hanging over your head and stressing you out, then that’s not so good.  Your worries and your to-do list will still be there when you step away from the tv.

So maybe crack on with that niggling job that needs doing.  Get those things ticked off your to-do list.

And then you can really relax and properly enjoy your binge watching session.

Do you prefer to watch just one episode of your favourite programme?  Or do you find it really hard to stop after just one?!  What’s your current tv obsession?

 

Disclosure – This is a collaborative post but all words are my own.

 

You Baby Me Mummy
why are dreams suddenly vivid

Why are my dreams suddenly so vivid?

by with 9 Comments PersonalPsychology

I love dreams.  I find them fascinating, and really enjoy trying to work out what various elements of my dreams could be linked to in my waking life.

Over the last week or two though, my dreams have become particularly vivid.  Nothing especially interesting happens in them, but they are just so real.  In particular the emotions I feel in the dreams are so powerful.

I felt really quite low one day last week, after waking from a dream where I just felt down and unmotivated.  The whole dream was so vivid, and I felt the emotions so strongly, it just stuck with me all day.

And I just feel that there has to be a reason why, all of sudden, my dreams are like this.

Why are my dreams suddenly so vivid-

We can rule one thing out straight away.  I’m not pregnant!  Pregnancy can do very weird things to your dreams, I had some very strange dreams during both of my pregnancies, but that’s definitely not a factor for me right now.

So what is behind my suddenly vivid dreams?

Netflix binges.

It could be as simple as the fact that I can often be found lying in bed with the ipad next to me, watching Netflix as I fall asleep.  Now we all know that the things we experience in our day to day life can crop up in our dreams.  so it makes sense that falling asleep while watching a particular program can mean that elements of what we watched appear in our dreams.

What’s interesting though is that we can take elements that resonate emotionally with us, even on a subconscious level, and incorporate that into our dreams.

 

Stress and anxiety.

I think this is more likely to be one of the reasons behind my suddenly vivid dreams.  I’ve definitely been feeling quite anxious and stressed lately, and it’s thought that we work through feelings like these during REM sleep.  So my vivid dreams could just be my subconsious mind trying to process and deal with these feelings of anxiety.

 

Lack of sleep.

Now that might sound odd to start with, but hear me out.  After a few nights of poor sleep, or not enough sleep, we tend to sort of ‘make up’ for it when we do have a full night’s sleep, by having more intense bouts of REM sleep.  And more intense REM sleep equals more intense, and vivid, dreams.

 

I think a combination of anxiety and a run of bad nights are the culprits in my case.

Which is quite good to know, but also a little scary how much a few nights of bad sleep can affect the sleep you then get when you have a good night!

For the record, some other things that can make dreams really vivid all of a sudden are eating spicy foods too close to bedtime, coming off medications like antidepressants, and having sleep apnea.  Generally what it comes down to is things messing with our REM sleep and, one way or another, making it more intense.

Pretty fascinating if you ask me!

 

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday