Parenting, especially in the early years, seems to come in phases.
The newborn phase, the multiple teething phases, the sleepless nights phase. Knowing that these things are just phases, and they’ll end soon enough, is what has got me through the toughest ones.
And there is one phase in particular that can drive you to the edge of insanity.
The ‘why’ phase.
If you’ve been through it, or are stuck in the middle of it right now, you’ll know exactly what I mean.
That phase when almost every thing you say to your child is met with that one little word. Why.
It normally comes when children are around 2 or 3 years old and it. is. exhausting.
There is a little trick you can try though, that just might save your sanity.
All you have to do is turn the question back round to them.
Next time they ask you ‘why’ about something, instead of trying to explain the answer to them (or make up an answer depending on how random the question is), try this.
Respond to the question with, “hmm, I’m not sure, why do you think?”
More often than not they’ll come up with their own answer to the question.
Then you just need to nod along, maybe add something like “that sounds about right to me” and then you can all move on with your day!
So simple and so effective when you just can’t come up with another answer to another why.
One more thing that can help when you’re stuck in this phase is to understand what is really happening.
Quite often when our children ask ‘why’ they’re not looking for the type of answer we want to give. They’re looking for engagement and general information about the subject they’re asking ‘why’ about.
So if your child asks why they need to put their shoes on, they don’t just want the answer ‘because we’re going out’. Giving them that answer will generally just result in them asking ‘why’ again.
What they want is to engage with you. To understand the world. It’s really obvious to us that we put shoes on to go out, but a two year old who is still learning about the world may well still question it.
So when you have the chance, and the patience, try answering some ‘why’ questions with broad information about the subject. Talk to your child about why people started wearing shoes. Tell them about the different types of footwear we have, and the reasons we wear wellies in the rain and flip flops on the beach.
This phase can be absolutely exhausting, but if you can see it as your child wanting to learn about the world and make sense of things that possibly make no sense at all to them at the moment, then it can be a bit easier to get through.
And keep in mind that this is just a phase.
This too shall pass.
And in the meantime, remember you can always turn the question round on them if you need a break from the bombardment of whys.
This post is linked up to KCACOLS with A moment with Franca.
I remember the why phrase well. I used to make the answers up. Now the kids are older they still ask why when I tell them to do something I say “because I said so” and they know that’s final. hehehe
Haha, I think we’ve all made up quite a few answers in our time! x
fab post!! these days I’d like to say are far behind us but sometimes even the teens come up with a cracker of a Why? #blogtober19
Oh I can imagine the ‘whys’ get harder and harder to answer as they get older! x
Fabulous post and my son is still doing the “Why?” thing at 13 years of age. When I told him I don’t have all the answers last week, he told me that was my job and if I did not have the answers at least I could copy an paste something from the Internet. I am working on there are many phases and also that what my late mum and a dear friend told me about it never really ending was so true. I have an 18 year old son making educational choices and that is a whole new phase for me that will also pass but right now a challenge #Blogtober19 – you are right what you say though, learning and wanting to learn have to be great things
Now my children are older I do quite often tell them that I don’t know the answer but we can look it up together online! Thank you for your perspective on this, as a parent of an older child, I think it is true that it never really ends, you just keep moving on to different phases. I hope your son finds a choice that’s right for him. x
Great idea! I’ll have to give it ago, we aren’t in a “why” phase but a “what’s that” phase. I think it may work!
Oh I think this is well worth a try during a ‘what’s that’ phase too! x
I remember this well but for mine the “did you know” phase that follows was even more frustrating. She would just make up random stuff that made no sense. I started to miss her asking for actual answers #KCACOLS
As with everything parenting, I have often thought that these stages tell us so much more about ourselves and how we deal with it than the actual stage itself. My little one is asking Why at 4, and I love it, because it gives me a chance to find out what interests her the most! #KCACOLS
Great idea. When we went through this phase, I relied on distraction. I’d answer the ‘why?’ question once or twice and then move us on to a different topic. It’s lovely that they’re so curious at that age, but you need a lot of patience to deal with it! #kcacols
I’m a big fan of “I’m not sure, ask your dad!” It can be such a tiresome phase, I feel like as one of my kids outgrows it, the next starts! #KCACOLS
Ooh yes ‘go ask your dad’ is a great phrase to use when you’ve reached your limit! x
Oh yes I understand how exhausting this is as I have a 3 year old daughter! My five year old still asks questions constantly and it does drive me crazy at times. Your trick is great and I have used it myself so I can verify that it does work! Sometimes I have to tell her that I am a bit tired and want a break from answering questions. Thankfully she understands and leaves me alone for a little while #KCACOLS
I think that honesty like that does work well too doesn’t it, children can be pretty great at understanding that we don’t have all the answers and need a break from questions sometimes! x
These are some great tips to help deal with the Why questions kids come up with. I’m so utterly glad that I’m through with those stages. I’m now dealing with a teenager, a preteen, and a high strung little diva. 🙂 Every stage has its own fun challenges. #KCACOLS
We’re in this phase with the youngest now so I totally get it! The sooner it’s over the better! #KCACOLS
A great way to encourage their creative thinking and inquisitiveness to turn the question back to them. #KCACOLS