I have found myself completely smitten with my daughter over the last few days. Don’t get me wrong, I have loved her since the day she was born, but just recently I’ve been getting those waves of love for her all over again.
As she hurtles towards her first birthday her personality has just blossomed. She is spirited and determined and full of fun and mischief. She has started laughing whenever she hears someone else laugh, even if they’re in a different room. And I’m finding these funny giggles impossible to resist. When I hear them I can’t help but smile and feel that unmistakable rush of love.
This has brought me to thinking about a conversation I had with my friend when she first had her daughter. She was so completely in love with her that she couldn’t imagine having another child, as she couldn’t see how her love for her daughter could be shared with a new baby.
At the time I didn’t have any children of my own and didn’t fully get how she felt.
All I knew at that point was that I loved my husband with all my heart, but I knew I could give just as much love to a baby as it would be a different kind of love.
A few years after that conversation, I had my son and, once the fog of having a new baby had lifted, I was overwhelmed by my love for him.
It was so different from anything I had experienced before. This tiny person who was completely reliant on me. He became the centre of my world and I didn’t want to share him with anyone. He was my first born and every ‘first’ we experienced together was wonderful.
I started to understand what my friend had meant – how could I love another baby this much? How could I share this love with someone else?
Then, when Rhys was 2 and a half, I fell pregnant with my daughter.
And I realised pretty early on that I needn’t have worried. As my bump grew and I began to feel her moving around, I quietly started to fall in love with her. Feeling her kick and squirm when the way I was sitting made her uncomfortable, I felt like I was already starting to get to know her.
My hopes for a baby that wasn’t desperate to be on the move and who would happily just sit on a play mat faded quickly as I felt how busy she already was in my tummy.
Then, a week overdue, Nerys arrived.
And in those quiet hours after she was born, when it was just the 2 of us and ‘never gonna give you up‘ playing in my head, I was completely overwhelmed by the love I felt for her.
“I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once” – John Green, The fault in our stars
And when we took her home from the hospital and I saw my suddenly-big boy again and felt the same love for him that I had before, I knew for certain that I’d had nothing to worry about. The love that I have for Rhys didn’t get shared with Nerys when she was born; a whole bucket-load of new love was created, just for her.
So for any of you out there who might be concerned about loving a second child as much as you love your first, please try not to worry too much about it – our capacity for love really is astounding!
A beautiful post, so full of love for both your children and I am so glad that you experienced that overwhelming rush of love both times. I had that moment with my firstborn but less so with my second – it took a while for me to really bond with her which made me feel so guilty but it did come in time. Now I feel that rush of love looking at both my children and it is so true that love expands – sometimes it takes a little time but it does come eventually. Thank you for sharing 🙂
It can take a bit of time sometimes for that rush of love to come, and sometimes it’s a steady flow rather than a rush! But the love really does expand, rather than get shared between your children! x
So very true – it is so powerful and overwhelming. My heart expanded 4 times over 🙂 #sharethejoy
Oh wow, that’s a lot of love in your house then! x
What a beautiful post. I don’t have children, but the bond sounds absolutely amazing! #sharethejoy
Debbie
http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
Thank you, the bond is amazing, I do feel unbelievably lucky to experience it for myself. x
This is such a wonderful post, brimming with the love you have for your two little ones and I agree it’s just incredible how much love our hearts can hold! Thanks so much for linking up at #sharethejoy and hope to see you again soon x
Thank you so much for your lovely comment! x
This is a lovely post. I have one son and I honestly can’t imagine how I could ever love anyone or anything half as much as I love him. I love your description of a whole new bucketload of live for your second. X
It’s so true! When you only have one child they are your whole world, so it is hard to imagine another child fitting in to that, but it is amazing how much room you have in your heart to love more and more babies! x
Goes to show how unlimited love is. Lovely post Madeline. Jo
Thank you so much Jo. x