Help your anxious child uncertain times

How to help your anxious child in uncertain times

As a general rule I think it’s best to be open and honest with our children about life and the world around us.

The problem with this is that, during uncertain times like this, I have to admit that I don’t know all the answers.  That no one knows the answers.  I can’t tell my children when the parks and swimming pools will be open again.  I can’t reassure them that they’ll be back at school and hugging their friends by a set date.

For anxious children this level of uncertainty can be really hard to cope with.  It’s hard for all of us to deal with I think.

The main thing to remember, for me as a parent, is that we’ve never been in this situation before, so no one really knows how to handle it or what the best steps to take are.

We’re all just doing our best, trying to reassure our children as best we can while keeping them safe as best we can.

There are some things we can try along the way though, that might help our anxious children in these kinds of uncertain times.

 

Practice mindfulness together

Mindfulness is a great tool for people of all ages to help with anxiety.

It’s all about slowing down and paying close attention to the world around you and to how you’re feeling.

A great way to practice this with your child is to go on a mindful walk together.  This is actually something that Rhys was asked to do as part of his school work recently and it was such a lovely thing to do together.

When you go out on a walk, stop now and then and just be still and quiet.

Ask your child to pay attention to all their senses and notice the different things they can hear, smell and feel.   You can get them to sit and put their hands on the ground, or take their shoes and socks off and stand barefoot for a few minutes.

This is great for helping us feeling more grounded and connected with nature, which has a really calming affect on our bodies and minds.

 

Keep to a simple daily routine

All of our normal routines have been completely turned upside down since the schools closed and we all started working from home.

Some children will have adjusted to this really easily, but for anxious children it will be really unsettling.

So try and create, and keep to, a new simple daily routine for them to bring back a sense of predictability to their days.

This doesn’t mean have a packed schedule each day, but keep a few things that are consistent and predictable each day, like going for a walk after lunch and having a bath and then reading together at bedtime.

 

Do kind things together for other people

When we’re feeling anxious it can be really hard to stop the worrying thoughts running through our heads.

So try and help your anxious child break this cycle by taking the focus off themselves and their thoughts by doing something kind and helpful for someone else.

Get them to make a card and then write a thoughtful message inside to send to a friend of relative.

Let them paint another rainbow to stick in the window to make passers-by smile.

Help them record a video message to their grandparents about what they’ve been up to during this time apart.

When we do kind things for other people it makes both them and us feel good, and it’s a great way to feel like you have a bit of control in uncertain times.

 

Focus on the things you can do

When everything feels out of our control it can be really scary.  So really try to focus on the things your child can do and can control.

Things like choosing to do something kind or helpful for someone else is a great place to start.

You can also talk to them about how, in the current situation with coronavirus, they can help protect themselves and other people by washing their hands properly, coughing into their elbows and limiting their contact with other people for a while.

 

Acknowledge and normalise their feelings

It’s so important to reassure your child that whatever they’re feeling at the moment is completely fine, valid and normal.

Let them express to you how they’re feeling, and encourage them to sit with those emotions for a bit instead of brushing them aside.

They might be feeling scared, angry, sad, hopeful, helpless, happy, nervous, and all sorts of other emotions, possibly all in one day, and that is just fine.

 

Add in positives

Once you’ve acknowledged what your child is feeling you can help them again by ‘adding in’ a positive to go alongside it.

So if they’re feeling scared and anxious about the current situation you can encourage them to add courage or strength to that emotion.

If they’re sad about not seeing their friends, help them to also be happy and grateful that we have the technology now to be able to video chat with them.

It’s not about taking away from what they’re feeling, but adding in more positive, helpful emotions to guide them through.

 

 

When the whole world feels strange and everything feels uncertain, we’re all going to feel more anxious than usual.

But hopefully some of these ideas and strategies will help if your child, or you, are finding it all particularly hard.

Do you have any other tips for things that help you or your child when you’re feeling anxious?  I’d love to hear them in the comments if you do.

How to stay healthy at home (2)

How to stay healthy at home

We’ve been keeping safe at home for weeks now, and it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster to be honest.

One thing I’m really aware of though is trying to keep us all well, both physically and mentally.  This is such a strange time, that none of us have experienced before and we’re all just doing what we can to cope and manage and get through.

If you’re looking for small things you can do to keep healthy and well while at home through this situation, here are some ideas for you.

 

Eat well

As tempting as it is to spend this time just eating comfort food and all the tasty things you’ve been baking, try and make an effort to balance things out with some fruit and veg.

Tinned and frozen fruits and vegetables are just as good as fresh if you’re struggling to get to the shops regularly.  And it’s worth looking around to see if any local companies are offering deliveries on fresh produce.

The more goodness you can sneak into your meals each day, the better you’ll feel.

We’ve started making meals like bolognese and casseroles with all sorts of extra veg added in, and if you chop things up nice and small you can probably sneak it past the children as well.

 

Keep moving

We might not be able to head out to the gym at the moment, but that’s no real excuse to not do any exercise at all.

If you’re really not feeling energetic then even going for a walk with the family will make a difference in how well you feel.  And on the days you want to push yourself a bit more you can go out for a jog or a bike ride.  I’ve seen quite a few people doing the coach to 5K thing lately which looks great if you want a structured programme to follow to get you running.

If you’re normally a regular gym-goer and working out is a big part of your life, then you might find that workout supplements help to keep you on track, and you can find all sorts of home workouts online if you’re not able to follow your normal routines.

 

Cut out bad habits

One great way to get and stay healthy during this time at home is to look at your not-so-healthy habits and see what you can do to improve them.

If you’re a smoker then this could be a good time to try and quit.  Some people might find that going cold turkey is the best approach, but for others that is too much of a struggle.

Another option is to reduce how much you smoke, or try switching to using a vape pen instead.  The NHS and PHE advice at the moment is that vaping is at least 95% less harmful than smoking cigarettes.  So it could be worth looking at an online vape shop to see what options there are that can help you make the switch.

 

Get enough sleep

If you only do one thing on this list to stay healthy at home, make it this one.

Try to get the sleep you need.

Various studies have shown that our immune systems are suppressed when we don’t get enough sleep, and we need our immune systems to be as strong as possible at the moment.

So try and keep to a regular bedtime, and get a good night’s sleep as much as you can.  If you’re struggling to fall asleep at the moment then this post I wrote recently might help.

 

Hopefully with these ideas in mind we’ll all be able to stay healthy and happy at home.

 

Disclosure – this is a collaborative post

ways to be more thankful

5 simple ways to be more thankful

There is always, always something to be thankful for.

I’m pretty sure I’ve shared that quote before and it’s one that I always love to read because it helps bring things back into perspective when life is hard.

If you’re having a rough day, or week, then it can start to be a struggle to see all the good things in your life.

So for those times, here are 5 simple ways to start to notice the good and be more thankful again.

 

1. Take mindful pauses

There are a million and one things to be thankful for in our everyday lives, we just need to slow down and notice them.

So, as you go about your day, stop and take notice of the things around you now and then.  Savour the smell of your cup of coffee in the morning, and how the warm mug feels in your hands.  Slow down on your walk around the block, look up at the trees that are full of life again and look down at the flowers popping up here, there and everywhere.

When you notice that something is making you feel happy, stop and pay attention to exactly how you’re feeling, what your senses are taking in and what thoughts are running through your mind.

These mindful pauses throughout the day can make a huge difference in how much you appreciate all the little things in your life.

 

2. Notice and say thank you for the things your family do

Over time it can be so easy to take all the things your partner and your family do for granted.

And when you also do loads of things for the family without really getting any thanks for doing it, you can end up a bit resentful of then thanking them for the things they do.  Or is that just me?!

The thing to do here, is break the cycle.

Be the one to notice all the little things that your family do for each other, and make a point of thanking them.

All the little, kind, thoughtful actions that can so easily go unnoticed – be the one to notice them and acknowledge them.  Do this with no intention other than to make the other person feel appreciated and to help you see how much they do that you can be thankful for.

If it’s noticed enough for them to start thanking you too, for all the things you do, that’s a huge fringe benefit!

 

3. Focus on what you have

There’s an old saying that what you focus on expands.

If you spend all your time and energy thinking about what you lack, what you’re missing in your life, what you’re jealous of other people having then you’ll always notice more and more things that make you feel that way.

So instead, start to reframe those thoughts to focus on all the good things you do have.

Replace complaints with gratitude.

 

4. Send thank you notes

One way to really get yourself into a thankful frame of mind is to actually go out and thank people.

Letting people know that you appreciate them and the things they bring to your life is a great way to make everyone feel good.

It can be a handwritten letter or card in the post, a phone call, an email, a text, a video message, or any other way of reaching out to someone.  Just make the effort to say thank you.

 

5. List three things each day that you’re thankful for

This is a habit that I keep starting and stopping and starting again, and really want to commit to doing on a daily basis.

At the end of the day, jot down three things that you’re thankful for.

The thing with this is that, at first, it’s quite easy.  You list the big things like your family, your friends, your children.

When you keep going though it forces you to look more at the little things in your life that you’re thankful for, unless you want your list to be the same every single day.

You become aware of how thankful you actually are for clear blue skies, or that earthy smell of rain after a long dry spell.  The cup of coffee that you got to drink while it was still hot, in relative peace.  A text message from a friend that really made you smile.

 

When we start to slow down and really notice what we have in our lives, we start to see quite how much we have to be thankful for.

Even during the hard times.

If you look, and keep looking, you’ll find that old quote is true.  There is always, always something to be thankful for.

Deal with stress and loss coronavirus

How to deal with stress and loss during quarantine/isolation

Quarantine and isolation have become the new reality for millions of people around the world since the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic. In the United Kingdom, there have been 120,067 confirmed cases and 16,060 deaths attributed to the novel coronavirus. In addition to lives being impacted by the virus, people are also facing the negative effects of self-isolation and quarantine.

 

Quarantine can make it hard to cope with stress and loss

More than just hard times, the current living situation is unbearable for many. It’s a time in which the world needs to band together in solidarity. Because people are left to live alone in self isolation in order to prevent further transmission of the virus – there is little support for those who must deal with loss and mourn their loved ones.

What types of losses are we talking about here?

This is not just those lives who are sadly lost to the coronavirus complications, but losses happen every day. Whether it’s a spouse, friend, family member, or pet that dies, self-isolation/quarantine makes it very difficult to return to your normal life and move on past the loss. 

 

Losses come in many different shapes and forms

When you think of the word “grief”, the first thoughts that come to mind are those instances when we lose loved ones in our life and we mourn their loss. The truth is, it’s normal for people to express grief over a variety of losses, not only those that include the life of another. 

Divorce. Injury. Illness. Separation. Imprisonment. There are many different losses that we can experience in life. Loss of employment is a very real situation that many are facing in the UK due to the economic impact of the measures in place to help prevent the spread of the virus.

In fact, the COVID-19 lockdown measures have brought much of the UK to a standstill. The Office for Budget Responsibility predicted that the country’s gross domestic product (GDP) could drop by more than 30 percent in the second quarter of 2020 and by 13% for 2020. 

Losses experienced in life may have very profound effects. How we deal with these events ultimately shapes how you move on in life facing one problem and then on to the next. 

 

Family stress caused by isolation takes its toll

Naturally, one of the biggest concerns everyone carries during times of isolation is about the elders. After all, the elderly population are the ones that stand the highest risk of dying from coronavirus complications. 

Family members have been encouraging the elders to stay indoors and if they need anything, they should ring for help. Not only does the elderly population experience additional stress as a result of the current situation and self-isolation, this also causes stress for the entire population as everyone has parents and grandparents that need to be considered and taken care of during these times. 

 

How to handle grief and stress during self-isolation

COVID-19 has been proven to be a deadly virus, but it’s important to remember that it’s not the only thing that can kill. Stress can be just as deadly or nerve wracking as the virus. 

But what happens when all your outlets for stress are taken from you? Taking a walk or hitting the gym are things one might do to help relieve stress and emotionally recover from a loss. Sadly, with the current quarantine and isolation protocols that have been put into place, some of those simple things may no longer be an option.

 

Coping skills will need to be developed by people to help them manage the stress that’s caused from being in isolation from the rest of the world. The following are four tips to help you deal with loss or stress during quarantine.

  1. Manage the amount and type of media consumed during quarantine. Studies have shown that people who are constantly checking online for media updates about COVID-19 experience higher levels of stress than people who rely on traditional media. 
  2. Focus on your health and stay active. Whatever you do, do not lie in bed all day. Get up and perform basic exercises as much as you can to remain active even though you are indoors.
  3. Utilize social channels to connect with loved ones during self-isolation. Call your loved ones. Talk with them as long as you wish, even all day! 
  4. Keep yourself busy. From puzzles to kitchen concoctions to reading and more – now is the time to relish in the various hobbies you enjoy. Keeping yourself busy so that self-isolation doesn’t set and press upon your mind is a good way to pass the time.

 

Losing a loved one during self-isolation/quarantine

It’s never a good time to lose a loved one. It doesn’t matter how much time you’ve had to say goodbye, whether your loved one was slowly dying for months or was involved in a random tragic accident, there’s nothing in the world that can prepare you to lose someone and deal with the subsequent grief. 

However, during this period of quarantine, people are unable to organize proper funerals and burials due to the imposed limits on crowd size. This makes it very difficult to grieve and deal with a loss.

The grim reality of this situation means that many loved ones will never have a chance to say their final goodbyes when someone passes away. However, there are other ways to commemorate your loss and pay tribute to the memory of a loved one. 

 

Cremation jewelry made from the ashes of a loved one

Heart in Diamond can create a diamond from the cremated ashes or hair of a loved one. Worldwide, many people consider having the remains turned into a diamond the best way to preserve the memory of a loved one. If you want to read the stories of other people who have had diamonds made from the ashes or hair of loved ones, you can read the testimonials at the Heart in Diamond website.

 

Isolation can be very hard to deal with. When other things also happen in one’s life, the stress can sometimes feel overwhelming. It’s important that we learn how to cope with these events in life effectively in order to stay healthy both mentally and physically, especially in these trying times.

 

Disclosure: this is a collaborative post

Protect family health spring

5 ways to keep your family healthy this spring

There’s no mistaking it.  Spring has definitely sprung.

The trees all around where we live have been a riot of colour these last few weeks, with beautiful pink blossom showcased perfectly against the clear blue skies we’ve had lately.

I absolutely love this time of year, when everything starts coming back to life and we all start to feel better after a long winter of colds and bugs.  This year especially though it’s really important to keep taking good care of ourselves and make sure we all stay fit and well.

So here are 5 different things we can do to keep the whole family as healthy as possible this spring.

 

1. Get everyone moving

One of the best things we can do at any time of the year to stay healthy is make sure we’re moving our bodies regularly.

With the weather warming up spring is a great time to get out for a family walk to get some exercise and fresh air.  If you’re lucky enough to have a garden with room to run around in then you could also pop out there each day for a play to get your bodies moving.

 

2. Maintain good sleep habits

With the days getting longer and the sun setting later on it can be tricky to get children to sleep at a decent time, but it’s really important to make sure everyone gets the sleep they need each night.

Try and keep to your normal bedtime routine, or introduce one now if you don’t already have one.  Doing the same thing each night in the run up to bedtime helps us to wind down and then the activities themselves become prompts to subconsciously prepare us for sleep.

 

3. Protect against seasonal allergies

One of the biggest issues for a lot of people in spring is hayfever and other seasonal allergies.

There are a few different things you can try to protect you and your children, like putting some vaseline around your nostrils before you go out, to help stop pollen getting up your nose.  It’s also a good idea to change your clothes, and even shower if you can, when you come back in the house after spending time outside.

If you’re really suffering then you can get a few different medicines from an online pharmacy to help ease your symptoms.  You can get nasal sprays to help with a blocked nose, and throat sprays to sooth a sore throat, as well as antihistamines if you need them.

 

4. Eat in season

A varied, balanced diet is really important in keeping us all fit and healthy.  One of the best ways to get the most goodness out of our food as possible is to eat more fresh, in-season fruits and vegetables.

In spring time this includes things like kiwi fruit, asparagus, rhubarb and spinach.

This is also a great time of year to look at your diet as a whole.  If you’re not sure if your current diet is giving your body all the nutrients you need, then you can look into nutritional testing to find out what you might be lacking in.

Then you can make an informed decision on what changes you need to make to your diet, whether that’s trying a vegan diet or just eating a better range of foods.

 

5. Stay connected and build relationships

It’s not just our physical health we need to look after, we also need to take care of our mental health and emotional wellbeing.

A great way to do this is by building healthy relationships and staying connected with family and friends.

It’s been a really tough time lately for a lot of us not being able to go and visit loved ones, but there is so much amazing technology now that means we can still stay connected.  Regular texts, phone calls, letters, and video calls can really help build and maintain these relationships, which in turn boosts our sense of wellbeing.

 

Hopefully these tips will help get you up and moving and giving your whole family’s heath a boost this spring.

 

Disclosure: this is a collaborative post

Things to try if you can't get to sleep

7 things to try if you struggle to fall asleep

Has anyone else noticed that their sleep has been really affected by everything that’s happening with the coronavirus?

I normally sleep pretty well now the children don’t need me in the nights quite so much, but lately I’ve been finding it harder to get to sleep, and having some really weird, vivid dreams when I do fall asleep.

A while ago I wrote a post about a little trick you can try to help you fall asleep faster, but the way things are at the moment I need a bit more than sticking my foot out of the covers to help me nod off.

So in case you’re the same, here are 7 other things you can try if you’re struggling to fall asleep.

 

1. ASMR

I’m coming in straight away with possibly the most ‘out there’ suggestion on my list, but this is something that really does help me fall asleep when I’m struggling.

I head to YouTube and find an ASMR video to watch.

If you’ve never heard of it before, ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response and it’s basically a relaxing, tingling sensation that some people get across their scalps, and down their backs in response to certain triggers.

The thing with ASMR is that not everyone experiences it, so if you don’t  then the whole thing seems a bit weird.  But if, like me, you do get the tingles then it can be a great tool to help you relax and drift off to sleep at night.

There are loads of videos to choose from over on YouTube, but I normally end up watching Gibi ASMR who has a real mix of videos so you can try a few out and see what works best for you.

 

2. Yoga and meditation

If ASMR does seem a bit too out there for you, then you could try yoga and meditation instead.

Some gentle, relaxing yoga poses at bedtime can help to calm your body and your mind ready for sleep.  You can do a gentle yoga session with poses to help you sleep better in your lounge before you head up, or even try some poses once you’re in bed to help you relax and drift off.

On nights when your mind is still racing then meditating could help to quiet your thoughts.

If you’ve never meditated before then these sleep tight cards look great as an introduction, with different exercises you can try to help you calm your mind and fall asleep.

 

3. Write in a diary

Keep a diary or a notebook on your bedside table so you can do a brain dump at bedtime.  Get all your thoughts out of your head and onto paper.

There are a few ways you can do this, so have a play around and see what works best for you.

You can try just writing down every thought that crosses your mind, in a stream of consciousness kind of way.  So don’t edit yourself, don’t worry about making sense, just write down everything that’s running through your mind.

Or you can be more organised with it and write lists of all the things that are worrying you, or all the things you’re thinking about that need to be done in the next few days.

 

4. Read

I’m really guilty of not always helping myself when it comes to sleep, because I tend to curl up in bed with Netflix even though all the advice is to steer clear of electronic devices at bedtime.

Swapping the ipad for a book could be a great way to help me get to sleep more easily.

There was a study carried out at the University of Sussex in 2009 that found that reading can reduce stress levels by nearly 70%, and that reading for just 6 minutes at bedtime can help us fall asleep more easily.

 

5. Listen to a book

If reading at bedtime fees like too much effort, then try listening to an audiobook instead.

You can lie back, close your eyes and listen to someone reading you a story.  Focusing on their words is a great way to stop other thoughts from running through your head over and over again.

Another option is to try listening to classical music as you lie in bed.

A study by Laszlo Harmat found that listening to relaxing classical music can reduce the amount of noradrenaline (the stress hormone) in your system, as well as lowering your levels of vigilance and arousal, which helps you fall asleep and then sleep better.

 

6. Exercise 

Try and get some exercise in each day.  Not just before bed, unless it’s a gentle yoga session, but at some point in the day make an effort to move your body.

There are so many benefits to regular exercise, and better sleep is one of them.

You don’t have to go to the gym to feel the benefits either, just heading out for a walk each day is enough.  I have a few exercise dvds that I’ve been using on and off for years that are great for getting a decent workout in at home.  The one I keep coming back to is the 30 day shred, because it only takes around 20 minutes so it’s not too hard to fit in to my day.

 

7. Try and stay awake

If all else fails, just try and stay awake.

This is a bit of a psychological trick that may well work to help you fall asleep.

The technical term for it is paradoxical intention therapy and it basically involves trying to replace thoughts of trying to fall asleep, with those of trying to stay awake.  The idea is that you end up taking a more passive role towards sleep, by intentionally trying to stop yourself falling asleep.

This post from Insomnia Land explains it in more detail and is well worth a read.

 

Have you tried any of these suggestions?

Which are you going to try tonight to help you fall asleep more easily?

If you have any other tricks up your sleeve that help you when you’re struggling to fall asleep please do leave me a comment and tell me all about it, I’m always up for trying something new when I can’t sleep!

 

This post is linked up with KCACOLS.

3 good ways to stick to your fitness goals

It’s very easy to set fitness goals, but it’s nowhere near as easy to actually stick with them.

That is, unfortunately, a fact that everyone who has ever set a New Year’s resolution is probably well familiar with.

When you set fitness goals you are generally going to be in a motivated and proactive mindset, but when it comes time to actually pushing through with your workout goals day after day, week after week, and month after month, motivation can easily dry up, and it can become tricky to maintain the right kind of momentum.

 

Here are a few good ways to stick to your fitness goals, whether those involve prohormones and bodybuilding shows, or the ability to run a marathon in good time.

 

Pre-commit to some kind of competition

Often, a big part of the reason why motivation wanes for pursuing a fitness goal, is because those goals tend to be largely arbitrary.

In other words, people generally set themselves fitness goals that they like the sound of, but that they aren’t really “committed to” in a deeper sense. Such as “I will weigh X amount by Y date,” or “I will be able to lift this much weight by next January.”

A great way of keeping your goals more tangible and focused, is to pre-commit to some kind of competition at some point in the future, which will then motivate you to keep on track with those goals.

You could, for example, sign up to a Tough Mudder race or a marathon due to take place next year, and you will then be quite motivated to keep your training on track so that you don’t flounder or drop out of the event.

 

Start small, and focus on getting the habit entrenched

Any good fitness routine has to become a habit in order for it to stick, which means that you need to get used to, and comfortable with, going through the motions every day.

One mistake that people often make is to try to do too much too soon, and so they burn themselves out and stray off track before the fitness habit has been established in the first place.

Instead, start small – very small, even – and focus on getting the habit entrenched before actually “doing work.” That could mean doing a certain number of situps as the entirety of your workout for the first week, and then adding more elements as time goes on.

 

Choose forms of exercise that you actually enjoy

When all is said and done, you are a lot more likely to stick with a fitness routine, and with fitness goals, if the forms of exercise that you are focusing on are things that you actually enjoy, as opposed to just being things that you “think you should do.”

So, find ways of working out that you can feel genuinely invested in, and that you can take genuine satisfaction in. That might mean taking up a martial arts class instead of jogging, or it might mean rucking over the hills instead of cycling on a stationary bike.

 

Disclosure: this is a collaborative post