things parents should say yes to

7 things parents should say yes to

by with 10 Comments ParentingUncategorized

How many times a day do you say ‘no’?

Not just to your children, but to your partner, to your friends, to yourself.

I think it’s important to be able to say no, to not take on more than we can comfortably handle.  But at the same time I think there are  lots of things that, for various reasons, we really should be saying yes to.

7 things parents should say yes to

7 things parents should say yes to

‘Me’ time

Whatever that might mean to you.  It might be saying yes to a nice long bubble bath after the children have gone to bed.  It might be a regular exercise class at the gym, or joining in with a local park run each week.  It might be getting into bed early with netflix and a bar of dairy milk.

It really doesn’t matter what you do, just make a point of saying yes to some regular time when you do something just for you, and don’t feel at all guilty about it.

 

Your child’s outfit choice

Sometimes what your child wears really does matter.  But the rest of the time, does it really matter?  If your child wants to wear pink striped tights under red shorts with a top that somehow clashes with both pink and red, does it matter?  If they want to wear their batman costume all day, is it so bad to just say yes?

Nerys picks out some, hmm, interesting outfits some days, but I’ve learnt to just go with it.  It might not be what I would pick out for her to wear that day, but as long as it’s weather-appropriate I’ve decided that what she wears is up to her.

 

PJ days

Following on from the last point, I think we should totally say yes to letting our children not get dressed at all, and stay in their PJs all day now and then.

We so often fill our schedules with activities and trips out and all sorts, and it can get exhausting.  I think it’s really important to have lazy days now and then.  To stay in our pjs and not leave the house and just breathe a bit.

 

Getting outside

On the flip side, it can be all too easy to just stay at home all the time, especially when you have a young baby.  If this sounds familiar, then trying to say yes to getting out in the fresh air is definitely a good idea.

Even just a quick walk round the park can do you the world of good, giving you a change in scenery and a dose of vitamin D.

Parents should say yes to getting outside

 

Offers of help 

This can be really hard for some people, but if someone offers to help you in some way, especially in the early days with a newborn at home you really should say yes.

Being a parent is wonderful but it can also be exhausting and relentless, so if someone offers to bring you a hot meal, or do a load of washing for you, or watch the baby so you can snooze or shower just say yes please!

 

Dates

Both dates alone with your partner while someone else babysits and playdates for your children.

Very different kinds of dates, but both worth saying yes to!

 

Testing limits

I’m not talking about those times when your children test the limits of your patience and push every boundary possible.

I’m talking about saying yes to encouraging your children to try new things.  To letting them test their own limits, to be a safety net for them while they bravely step out of their comfort zones.

 

When was the last time you said ‘yes’ to any of these things?  What do you want to say ‘yes’ to more often in the future?

Mummies Waiting
living arrows

Living Arrows 2018 – 9/52

by with 10 Comments PersonalUncategorized

We’re back to the normal school routine this morning, after a really quite lovely half term break.

It was one of those strange weeks that felt really long, but in a really good way.

We didn’t even really do all that much, but Steve had the week off work and so we got several jobs around the house done that we’d been meaning to tackle for ages.  We took the children to the British Heart Foundation shop in town, to hunt for a new chest of drawers for their bedroom.  Not the most exciting thing to do but they both actually enjoyed themselves, wandering round, opening doors and drawers and testing out various sofas.

Then midweek we spent a lovely few hours with some friends in Brynmill park.

The boys ran around and played together, catching imaginary pokémon with their imaginary pokéballs.  The girls climbed on the climbing frame and whizzed down the slide.  Nerys even braved the fireman’s pole a couple of times.

living arrows

She was so proud of herself when she did it all on her own.

Although after doing it a few times she then started to almost panic and refused to do it any more.  It was like she had it for a moment there, but then just lost it again.  And then the fear crept back in.

I have no doubt she’ll be back up there trying again next time we’re at the park though!

Along with park trips and furniture shopping we managed a wonderfully quiet day at home and a visit to the Gower Heritage Centre during our half term.

All in all, it was a really lovely week, just spending time together and having a break from the normal routine.

Back to it now though, for a few weeks at least.  Roll on Easter I say.

Living Arrows
living arrows

Living Arrows 2018 – 8/52

by with 12 Comments PersonalUncategorized

Last summer the children and I went along to a couple of activities in Swansea that were part of the ParkLives programme.

One of the activities we did was a design a duck session in Brynmill Park, where the children were given a picture of a duck to decorate any way they wanted.  When all the pictures were finished a judge came along to pick out their favourites and Rhys was absolutely thrilled when his was chosen.

He won this duck toy, that quacks when you squeeze it, and every time he sees it it acts as this lovely little reminder for him of that day in the park.  All these months later I still don’t think he can quite believe that it happened.

One day last week he decided to take his duck into school for show and tell, and he was still happily playing with it and telling people about it when I picked him up at the end of the day.

living arrows

Rhys’ class has an approach to show and tell that I quite like.  They ask the children to only bring in things that they’ve created or that are related to something they’ve achieved.  So you might have a child bring in a certificate from their swimming lessons, or a medal from a fun run.  You might also have someone bring in a drawing that they did at home that they’re proud of.

I like this idea of giving a bit of focus to show and tell sessions, and also giving the children a chance to share the things they’re proud of with their classmates.  To my mind it also teaches the children about celebrating the achievements of others, which I think is great.

They give out ‘dojo points’ in his class too, for things like sitting nicely, being ready to learn, trying hard and generally being helpful in class.  Each week the child with the most points gets to take home a little trophy for the weekend.

One of the things that I love so much about this is seeing how pleased the children are for the winner each week.  Rhys is always so happy to tell me who is taking home the trophy, there’s not a hint of jealousy there, only happiness.

Wouldn’t the world be a much nicer place if we could all be like that; happy for each other, celebrating other people’s successes.

 

Living Arrows
brother and sister together

The siblings project – February 2018

by with 2 Comments PersonalUncategorized

Pretty much since Rhys started full time school we’ve had the same routine when I go and pick him up in the afternoons.

As long as it’s not pouring with rain we go straight to the school yard for him to run around and burn off a bit more energy.

Most of the time a few of his friends pop in for a play too.  They run off to the dell to explore, or play on the lovely wooden play equipment together.

Some days we’ll be the only ones in there, and Rhys and Nerys will just play together.

siblings with arms wrapped around each other

brother and sister playing with toy duck

We only have about 20 minutes or so in there, before the teacher comes along to lock the gate, but it’s a really lovely little routine.

It’s great for Rhys and Nerys to have a chance to run around for a bit after a day at school, and I love having a few minutes to chat with my parent friends.

The thing is, when you do something like this pretty much every day, it becomes so normal and everyday that you don’t always think to record it.  But these are exactly the kinds of things I think I should be recording.  These are the things that the children will remember when they’re older, and I think they’ll love to see photos from these times.

siblings smiling

One thing I’ve noticed though is that it can be so easy to fall into the trap of wanting our photos to look perfect.  To try and get the perfect pose and expression from our children.  To edit so many things out of the background that at the time we think are distractions.

Those distractions though, are so often the things we love to see the most when we look back at old photos.

I know when I look at photos from my childhood I absolutely love seeing those little details.  The duvet cover on my bunkbed.  The toys scattered around.

Those details are the things that make us feel nostalgic, that bring make the memories of what that time in your life ‘felt’ like.  You know?

I’m trying to be much more mindful of the things that I include in the photos that I take of my children.  I hope that seeing photos of themselves like these, standing next to the brightly coloured fence in the school yard will bring back memories of all the time we spent playing there in the afternoons.

brother and sister together

I hope all these photos bring back memories of the fun they had together.

african animals

Elephant escapades and turtle trips: Animal holidays you will love

by with No Comment TravelUncategorized

We are so lucky to live in a world full of fascinating creatures on land and sea. Where you live you might not be able to see these animals up close and personal unless you’re watching a film or television documentary. How wonderful would it be to take a trip and experience nature’s most magnificent creatures? Create holiday moments to last forever and see animals like you have never seen before.

We are not talking about enclosed or captive animals here; this will be the ultimate true to life trip of a lifetime.

Safari Sensations

Destinations such as Africa, Australia and New Zealand are home to some of the most intriguing wild animals in the world. If you’re looking into wildlife holidays then you won’t be disappointed. Discover these extraordinary creatures in a safari journey, or simply in the local National Parks. Capture images on your camera which will last forever and take in these majestic animals on the holiday of a lifetime. Whilst in Africa you could have the chance to interact with lion cubs by feeding and taking care of their living areas. In Johannesburg there are ongoing projects to protect these animals in the park and you will have the opportunity to give hands on help to them.

elephant escapes and turtle trips

 

Saving and Swimming

Mexico is home to hundreds of baby sea turtles who hatch out of their eggs on the beach and try to find their way into the sea. Due to the modern world, these turtles are now in danger of getting lost or even killed on their way to their new home. There are now special programs where you can assist these babies in getting to the destination. Help protect these tiny turtles as they venture out towards the sea.

If you’re looking to get super close to a whole pod of elegant creatures then head to the beautiful Bahamas. In the warm waters you will be able to don a light snorkel and swim alongside the dolphins. You will get special instructions from the local guides and you might even learn some of the dolphin’s names as they become so familiar to the locals.

elephant escapes and turtle trips dolphins

 

Jungle Joy

Trek through the jungle in Thailand and go and meet your new friend, the elephant. Learn about their day to day care in the sanctuary and enjoy the hike along the way where you will see all sorts of local animals from monkeys to birds. As one of the most intelligent creatures in the world, it is a true honor to be able to get so close to them.

Whether elephants excite you or you are dazzled by dolphins, you will find the wildlife adventure for you. We are so fortunate to have these opportunities at our fingertips and the ability to explore these creatures without disrupting their everyday life. Our dwindling endangered species means it is becoming more and more difficult to conserve them and allow them to live on. Lend a helping hand and play a part in their upkeep. Discover their natural beauty and you will never look back.

 

Disclaimer: This is a collaborative post

living arrows

Living Arrows 2018 – 7/52

by with 7 Comments PersonalUncategorized

I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again many times, but one of my favourite things about having children is getting to know them.  Watching them grow and finding out who they are as people.  Seeing what sort of things they’re naturally drawn to, what their interests are, what lights them up.

Nerys, at nearly 4, is showing more and more parts of her personality.

living arrows

She loves spending time after school with her brother and his friends, digging in the mud with sticks, ‘mining’ for buried stones.

She loves watching Blaze and the monster machines, and shouting out the answers to the questions they ask.

She is strong and loves climbing and hanging off things.

She also loves standing with me in front of the mirror and pretending to put on my make up.

She loves wearing pretty dresses and putting lots and lots of clips in her hair.

When presented with a whole shelf full of magazines she will often pick ‘Pink’ magazine, which is as stereotypically girly as it sounds like it would be.

She is so many different things, and I am absolutely loving getting to know all these different side of her.

 

Living Arrows
bright pink flower

Try this one little trick to feel happier in your relationship

by with One Comment PsychologyUncategorized

Unless you’re one of those couples that is completely in sync and agrees about everything, chances are you and your partner have fights from time to time.

Research generally supports the idea that disagreements are normal and healthy in relationships.  What really matters is the way that you fight, and how you resolve that conflict and move forwards.

So next time you get annoyed and start fighting with your other half, try this one little trick to resolve things and to feel happier in your relationship.

Try this one little trick to feel happier in your relationship

Ask yourself, “how will I feel about this current conflict in one year’s time?”

A study carried out by Huynh et al. in 2016 found that asking this question, and thinking about their conflicts in terms of the future, helps people to feel more positive about their relationship.

They found that when people think about their relationship from a future perspective, rather than how they’re feeling right now in the heat of the moment, they tend to feel more forgiving and see their relationship more positively.

One of the author’s of the study wrote:

“When romantic partners argue over things like finances, jealousy, or other interpersonal issues, they tend to employ their current feelings as fuel for a heated argument.  By envisioning their relationship in the future, people can shift the focus away from their current feelings and mitigate conflicts”

The study asked two groups of people to think about an argument they had recently with their partner.

One half of the group were asked to explain how they felt about the argument at the time that it happened, while the other half were asked to imagine how they would feel about it in the future.

What the researchers found was that the group who imagined themselves in the future blamed their partners less for the argument, and were more forgiving.  They also showed more insight into why the argument happened in the first place.

This group saw their relationship more positively than the group that weren’t thinking from a future perspective, and they also felt better about their relationship.

At the end of the study Huynh reported:

“Our study demonstrates that adopting a future-oriented perspective in the context of a relationship conflict — reflecting on how one might feel a year from now — may be a valuable coping tool for one’s psychological happiness and relationship well-being.”

It wasn’t mentioned in the study, but I think this could also be a useful strategy to use to stop some arguments happening in the first place.

If you get annoyed with something your partner does, and find yourself gearing up to start a fight about it, stop.  Take a few minutes and ask yourself how you’ll feel about the issue in a year’s time.  This time next year, will it still bother you that he left his dirty socks on the floor, or that she pulled all the covers over to her side of the bed?  Probably not!  So is it really worth picking a fight over it?

Do you think this would work for you in your relationship?  Or do you tend to get so caught up in how you’re feeling in the middle of a row that you would find it hard to see things from a different perspective?

I’d love to hear what people have to say about this in the comments.