Posts in category: Personal

I’m all out of sorts at the moment, and feel like I’ve completely lost track of time.

All year I’ve been pretty organised with my posts for the siblings project.  I’ve had it scheduled in my calendar and made sure I had taken photos of Rhys and Nerys together each month ready to put the post together for the 15th of the month.

This month though, the 15th came and went and I had completely forgotten about it.  

Luckily a quick check through our photos from the last month revealed some pictures of Rhys and Nerys together that are actually pretty perfect for the siblings project.  Taken on one of our standard beach trips a few weeks ago, these pictures are pretty representative of their relationship.

One minute playing together, happily cooperating.

The next, happily playing apart, lost in their own games.

And then, back together again.

Playing, laughing, having fun.

Last week they both did their Christmas concerts at school.  

What was really lovely was that they actually both got to see each other perform, as the school gets other classes to come and watch the dress rehearsals for each concert.

They were so excited, coming out of school and telling me that they’d seen each other that day. 

It was also really handy for me that Rhys saw Nerys’ dress rehearsal, because it meant that I could ask him what side of the stage she was on.  So when I went to watch it I managed to get a seat on the right side of the hall, with a perfect view of her singing away to all her songs.

One of the other mums and I were laughing, saying that we’d peaked as parents because we managed to get seats in the front row.  I’m normally stood at the back of the hall so it really did feel like a triumph for me.

Apparently at some schools they do like a silent auction for the front row seats, I wonder how much people end up paying for them!

Now that both concerts are done and dusted, we’re on the final countdown to the Christmas holidays and the children are both getting really quite excited.

It really is such a magical time of year when you’re little isn’t it! 

And as a parent it’s pretty amazing too, getting to experience that magic all over again through your children.

You know it’s been another funny old week when you get to Sunday evening and realise you’ve not really taken any photos for Living Arrows that week.

And so, just before the children go to bed you ask one of them to let you snap a quick photo.  And you get this.

Pretty standard for a six year old at bedtime I suppose!

We actually had a pretty busy week last week, as we gear up for the end of term and for Christmas.

Both children had their Christmas concerts at school and they both really did us proud.  I would love to have photos from the concerts to share for this week’s post, but I didn’t manage to get any of just them.  I also made a conscious decision this year to spend more time just watching the concerts, rather than trying to record them.  To be more present and just really enjoy the moment of seeing my children on the stage, giving it their all!

Rhys’ concert was all about Christmas around the world and it was so much fun.

He chose to be an angel, and got to be the centre of attention at one point, pulling numbers out of a box to decide which countries they would visit as part of the play.

Nerys’ class kept things a bit more simple and sang a collection of Christmas songs while their teacher narrated the nativity story.

There were almost 90 children, all aged either three or four and they were amazing.  Not a single child cried, no one had to be taken off stage for cuddles, they all just sang their hearts out.  I think half the mums in the audience were in tears though, what is it about little ones performing Christmas concerts that makes us get so emotional?!

Now we’re in the final countdown, the last week of term before a well-deserved break for Christmas.

The children have worked so hard this term, they are so ready for a bit of time to just relax and have some fun!

Nerys is going through a bit of a funny phase at the moment.

One minute she’ll be telling me what a big girl she is, and how she can’t wait to be a grown up like me.  Then the next minute she’ll be pretending to be a baby, speaking gibberish in a high pitched voice.

As part of this ‘baby’ game, she’s started playing with the washing basket, climbing in there with a cushion and her blanket and calling it her crib.

To be fair, she looks really quite comfy when she’s in there!

I think maybe she is just feeling a bit uncertain at the moment.  She really does want to be a big girl and do big girl things.  But at the same time I think she still wants to hold on to her role as the baby.

The last few months have been a big adjustment for her as she’s settled into the nursery class at school. 

She’s learning how to write her letters and her numbers.  She’s learning all sorts of social skills and how to behave in the school environment.

She’s coped with it all so well, but I think at times she needs to step back from that all and just be the baby again for a bit.

I think we can all relate to that a bit can’t we?

I know there are times when I just want to curl up with a cushion and a blanket and have someone else take care of me for a while!

We had a bit of a quiet week last week.  We’ve all been feeling a bit worn out and run down and both the children have been sniffling and coughing a fair bit.

So we didn’t really get up to much beyond the normal school routine.

Which means I didn’t really take many photos other than the headshots of the children that I try to take every day.  So this week’s living arrows is from just before bedtime one evening; a quick snapshot of my funny girl.

Nerys has been rocking pigtails pretty much every day for the last week or so.

She asked me to do them one morning, with three clips on each side too, because that’s the way her friend at school has her hair and “she looks beautiful every morning”!

I find it fascinating that at three she already has this idea of beauty.  That she is starting to look at other people and think of them as being beautiful.  I’m also aware that I do tell her a fair bit that she’s pretty/lovely/beautiful.  And I know that there are some people out there who argue that we shouldn’t say these things to our daughters.

But you know what?

I think she is pretty, and lovely, and beautiful.  So why shouldn’t I tell her that?

I also tell her most days how wonderful it is that she is so tall and strong.  That she is so kind and thoughtful.  I tell her that I’m proud of her for trying hard at school.

Hearing a mix of all these things will, hopefully, give her a strong foundation of self-confidence for when she grows older.

What do you think about this?  Should we try and avoid talking about the way our children look, or is it ok to tell them that they’re pretty/handsome/beautiful?

Sometime I feel like I’m just a big old ball of contradictions.

I’m a photographer, but I don’t always feel comfortable taking my camera out and about with me.

I want to document my children’s lives, but I don’t want them to feel that they’re constantly being recorded.

I don’t know if it’s tied in with my anxiety and my OCD, but there are often multiple thoughts whizzing through my mind, arguing, debating and contradicting each other.  It can be hard at times, to find the voice of reason and common sense amongst all that noise.

I’m trying to push through it though, to quiet the noise and focus on what it is that I really want, and what I need to do to get it.

What I really wanted this year, was a photo of our family every month.  We’re one month away from achieving that, and I am honestly so proud about it.  Focusing on this desire for family photos has meant letting my want for it drown out the niggling thoughts that might have tried to stop me doing it:

“I don’t want to be annoying to my family, making them take a photo every month”  “People will think we’re really odd if we set the camera up outside and in public for a photo” “We won’t be organised enough to take nice pictures outside so we’ll have to make do with doing it indoors, and it won’t be the same so lets just not bother”

This year, I’ve tried to push past those thoughts.  To stick my fingers in my ears and sing, “la la la I’m not listening”.

So I’ve started carrying the camera round with me more.  And this month I even remembered to pop the remote trigger in the bag so, honestly, taking these family photos was beyond easy.  I’m hoping that the more I do this, focusing on what I want and fighting against all the negative thoughts that try and stop me getting it, the easier it will become to silence them once and for all.

It’s worth the fight, if it means I get photos like this of my family.

It might not seem much, just a little family snap, but this means the world to me.

On a slightly lighter note, have you seen the photos that pop up every now and then of a women with her children, spelling out a word with sparklers or with their arms?  The mum always thinks they’re spelling out the word ‘love’, but the children change the letters to make, well, something not quite so sweet!

I have a bad feeling that mum will be me one day.

Just look at this picture.  I had no idea I was the only one aiming for a ‘nice’ photo of the four of us.

Honestly though, just like last month, I think this outtake is possibly my favourite out of all the photos we took for me and mine this month.

And you know, Steve and the children were happy to take these photos.  No one even walked past where we were doing it.  And while we were organised enough to get them done out in the lovely natural light this month, I know from last month’s experience that even if we’d done them inside I would still be really happy with them.

With each passing month (week, day) I’m letting go of various ideals that just aren’t me.  I’ve said before that our family photos will never feature us in perfectly coordinated clothes, in picture perfect locations.  But they will always be perfectly us.  Dabbing and catalogue poses and all.  And that is worth fighting for in my book.

Most parents know that feeling when your children are finally in bed, and quiet, and you can breathe a sigh of relief as you sink into the sofa.  The problem in my house is that the sofa is in the lounge, which also doubles as a play room for the children.  So the view from the sofa into which I’ve sunk is often of toys, and half-finished drawings and school bags and so on.

Not quite as relaxing as I would like.

I dream one day of having enough space in our house to have an adult only room.  A lounge completely free of toys and games and crayons and the like.  Well, that was the dream, until Boo Roo and Tigger too planted the seeds for an even better dream.  They’ve teamed up with Tiger Sheds and challenged bloggers to dream up their ideal adult-only space based around the gorgeous sheds and cabins available from Tiger Sheds.

My child-free lounge dream seems like nothing now, compared to the idea of a whole wooden cabin in the back garden, decorated to be a completely adult-only space to relax in.

So now I have this new and improved dream for my child-free space – a Bengal corner cabin from Tiger Sheds in the garden.

I love the idea of it being tucked into a corner of the garden.  It just feels extra cosy, which is the vibe I would go for with it.

With this being a completely child-free zone, I would furnish it with nice things that just wouldn’t be safe around the children.  Luke Danes was right, children always have jam hands, even if there’s not any jam in the house.  So my adult-only space would have gorgeous furniture like this patchwork knit chair.

It just looks so soft and comfortable, and in a colour that just wouldn’t be safe around jam hands!

To really cosy things up I would have a blanket box overflowing with throws and blankets.  Although I would have one old faithful that would be used more than the others, like this gorgeous crocheted blanket that my friend has for sale in her etsy shop.

I love the idea of filling this little space with things like that, one of a kind pieces that make it all a little bit special.

Now, I would love to claim that this little cabin of mine would be a place I would go in the evenings to read and be all highbrow.  But really, I would set it up with electricity so I could put a tv and dvd player in and spend a few hours out there watching old boxsets like Gilmore Girls, or Alias, or even Dawsons Creek.

This would be a place for me to really switch off and those kind of shows that I have seen over and over again are just perfect easy viewing.

To create the extra cosy vibe to relax in I would have soft, low lighting from a couple of simple table lamps and some fairy lights draped around the place.

These fairy light orbs from not on the high street would be absolutely perfect dotted around the cabin, giving off that pretty little glow.

The last thing I would add is either a coffee machine or a kettle for making plenty of hot drinks to last me the evening.

Now, I’m aware that I’ve not mentioned Steve in any of this.

He would of course be welcome to come and relax in my cabin with me, but as this is my dream space I really am imagining it as MY cabin!  He would most likely have one of his own in the other corner of the garden, hooked up to the wifi so he could work on his 3D design projects undisturbed and with a fridge full of different ales for him to enjoy while he worked.

What would your ideal adult-only space be like?

I’ve written before about one of the differences between my two children.

Nerys likes to get outside as much as possible, she seems to have a real need to get out of the house and into some fresh air.

Rhys on the other hand is quite happy to stay in.  He loves days at home, when he can stay in his pyjamas if he wants to because we don’t have to go anywhere.

It can be a bit of a challenge at times, trying to keep them both happy.  Although, what I’ve come to realise is that while Rhys may put up a fight and complain about going out before we go, once we’re actually out he has a great time.

So yesterday, despite his protests that he wanted to stay at home after his swimming lesson, we wrapped up warm and headed out to Swansea bay for a walk on the beach.

And surprise surprise, he didn’t complain once while we were out!

He dug in the sand with his stick, fascinated to see the water rising up the surface as he wiggled the sand around.

He spent ages searching along the tideline for interesting rocks to add to the collection he’s started building.  I think we have a budding geologist on our hands, he’s fascinated by it all at the moment.

Not once did he complain about being cold, or bored, or wanting to just go home.

A lot of the time my approach to parenting is to be led by my children, to follow their lead, to allow their interests and personalities and needs determine what we do and how we do it.

There are times though, when I know that we actually know better than they do what they need and what they want.  So some days, like yesterday, we will insist on things like all of us going out for a breath of fresh air together.  Because despite the claims to the contrary, Rhys really does enjoy being out.  He just sometimes needs a bit of a push to get out there!