A few weeks back I wrote about the new parent coaching cards that Barefoot coaching have created, and how great they are for getting us parents thinking and talking about various aspects of having children.
And a video that popped up on my Facebook feed the other day made me think about one of the questions in the pack:
“What kind of relationship would you like to have with your baby when he/she is grown up?”
The video that I saw was by Kristina Kuzmic, and is about the fact that, at that moment in time, all three of her kids were mad at her. And how that’s a really good thing, because it means she’s doing her job as a parent.
And I found it really interesting, as well as funny. Because I think our instinct is to want our children to like us! No one wants to make their children upset or angry. But the point is, sometimes we have to do just that to be a good parent.
Sometimes we have to say no to things that we know aren’t good for them.
I’m at quite a nice stage at the moment where I do still feel like my children are my friends. I mean, Rhys has told me several times that I’ve made him mad, but for the most part we have fun, we play, we hang out, and we’re friends.
And Nerys is still very much my little buddy.
In a few years though, I know another kind of parenting will have to kick in.
And at that stage our relationship is bound to change a bit.
My hope though, is that after the difficult teenage years, after all of that, we can be friends.
I really do hope that when my children are grown up we’ll still want to hang out together.
I hope we have the kind of relationship where they can tell me things, openly and honestly.
I remember when I was in my first year at Uni and was telling my Mum on the phone about going out for a night out and getting really quite drunk, and she laughed asking ‘are you sure you should be telling me this?!”.
And the honest answer was yes, I should be telling you this! I felt at 18 that my relationship with my Mum was good enough and close enough that I could tell her about my drunken nights out!
I hope that my two feel that way about me when they’re older.
I hope they’ll want to come and hang out at home with me and Steve.
I hope we can go out together, shopping, eating, drinking. Is it bad that I like the idea of sharing a bottle of wine with my children?!
I just know that some of my fondest memories with my parents since I’ve grown up are of nights sitting round a table, drinking wine, chatting and laughing.
I want that with my own children.
I suppose that’s what we all want isn’t it, to have a relationship with our children once they’re grown up that’s relaxed, and easy, and fun?