If you ask people want they want from this life, most of them would say that, ultimately, they just want to be happy.
Happiness seems to be something that we’re all looking for, but at the same time actually letting ourselves be truly happy can be really quite scary.
I know that I’ve wasted a lot of time over the years, not letting myself enjoy things as much as I should, for a few different reasons. It all comes down to this strange fear though, this fear of being completely happy.
I decided a while ago to try and focus on the good things more, to invite much more joy into my life.
And part of that involves letting go of this fear of being truly happy.
I think in a way I’ve always been like this.
But it was an episode of Dawson’s Creek that really made me think about it.
I know, that sounds really silly, but it’s true.
You know the episode where Mitch, Dawson’s dad, dies? In the run up to the accident Mitch is all about how good his life is, how happy he is. I’m sure there’s a scene where the camera sort of sweeps around him as he stands outside their house, looking around in a ‘wow, isn’t life wonderful’ kind of way.
Then the next thing you know he’s in the car and he’s dropped his ice cream and that’s that.
Aside from the fact that Mitch deserved better than death by ice cream, this episode came with the lesson that if you ever get that ‘looking around in wonder at how happy you are and how great life is’ feeling, then something horrific and traumatic must be just around the corner.
My best friend and I still talk about it now. Most of the time we sort of joke about it, but there’s still that underlying feeling though, that there’s some truth in it.
That we shouldn’t let ourselves feel that kind of complete happiness because it won’t last.
And not only will it not last, it will in some way trigger something negative to come along.
The fact that this idea is a plot point in a hugely popular, main stream TV show seems to prove how common this feeling is too.
It’s as if we’ve all been conditioned to believe that there has to be a price to pay for feeling happy.
That there has to be a balance, so if we’re really happy then it follows that we must soon be really sad to even things out.
The thing is, that is true of life. It is a mixed bag and we will all experience joy and sorrow at various times. But I think I need to let go of this feeling that there is a causal link between the two.
Being happy doesn’t cause us to then be sad.
Bad things will happen, regardless of how happy or unhappy we are in the run up to them happening. Not letting yourself feel truly happy won’t prevent the bad things from happening.
I wonder though, if another part of it is this feeling that if we let go and feel true happiness then we’ll be completely unprepared for hardships or upsets that might come our way. So staying in a state of semi-happiness is better.
But, are we ever really prepared for the hard times? No matter how much we worry about things, I don’t think it makes it any easier to deal with them if they do actually materialise.
It’s like that line in the Sunscreen song:
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday
We can worry and hold ourselves back from true happiness all we like, but it still won’t help us or prepare us for the real troubles that come along.
So, I think it’s time to let go.
To let go of this fear and to just embrace every scrap of happiness that comes our way.
I’m not necessarily saying we should cherish every single moment of our lives.
I’m saying that we should stop worrying so much about what could go wrong, and celebrate all the many little things in our lives that are going right.
We need to learn from our children, who experience life so openly, so joyfully.
A few weeks ago we had a spell of glorious weather, and spent a good few hours at the beach. We dressed the children in their swimming costumes, so they could have a play in the sea. I took the camera along because I wanted to capture this first proper paddle of the year. And as I watched them play with my husband in the water, I started thinking about the last time I actually paddled myself.
I couldn’t actually remember when it was. See, I’m always the one holding back. Holding back from really relaxing and having fun and letting go. With the excuse of being the one with the camera.
So I handed it over.
I took my shoes and socks off and splashed around in the water with my children for the first time in way too long.
It was silly. It was fun. It was wonderful.
To just be in that moment, to drink it all in, to laugh with my family and, in that moment, feel truly happy.
That’s what life should be I think.
I mean, life is tough; it comes with so many challenges and dramas and tears.
But it’s also pretty damn amazing.
It comes with love and beauty and hope. So surely when things are good, when we look around and feel happy, we should grab that happiness and truly feel every last bit of it.
What do you think? Have you ever felt this fear of being truly happy?
There are a lot of tips we can pick up from the way kids behave, being happy and carefree is one of them #KCACOLS
It’s amazing how much they can teach us isn’t it! x
I LOVE this post and I’m definitely ‘guilty’ of this Madeline. For me, it’s that ‘fear’ of losing it all and coming down from that high. But it’s also about being in that moment and remembering that feeling of happiness. Much food for though here. #kcacols
I think that’s part of it for me too, that fear of the things making you happy being taken away from you. x
Kids are just so open and in the moment – joy, wonder, sadness, anger, happiness. We can learn alot from them #KCACOLS.
Very good point, that it’s not just happiness that they feel so freely but all the emotions, definitely something we can learn from. x
I have never really thought about this before and I wonder if this is right for me too.I must admit I happier with my life than I have ever been but am I really truly happy? I’ll have to think about this #kcacols
Just don’t overthink it and question the happiness too much! x
Mitch totally deserved better than death by ice cream. I remember being devo’d about this! Addtionally, I miss Dawson’s Creek and I didn’t even recognise Michelle Williams in Greatest Showman at first!
On the topic of being happy, me and my husband had a dodgy year and I remember thinking, I only have one life…I need to be happy. It really kept niggling me that I had to do what was right for my family but me personally too. Luckily everything did get better and I am happy. When i was pregnant with our daughter I remember thinking that something was going to go wrong because I’d had too much good luck, I was too happy. While we’re thinking that we shouldn’t be happy we don’t make the most of the happiness! #KCACOLS
I have the Dawson’s box set and really want to work my way through it again after writing this post! I was just the same with both my pregnancies, thinking it all happened too easily and who was I to be so lucky and have everything go smoothly. It’s such a shame isn’t it, when we hold back from feeling this true happiness out of fear. x
We can definitely learn a lot from kids – being happy is a good lesson! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time
It’s funny isn’t it, how much our children can teach us about life. I really love the perspective it gives me, seeing the world again through their experiences. x
I’ve often said that it seems like we would all be so much happier if we could just stay about six or seven years old forever #KCACOLS
I think you might be right with that!
As someone who’s suffered from anxiety and depression their entire lives, this has never been a problem but my wife definitely suffers from this. I often think it’s part of her mum guilt. #kcacols
That’s an interesting point, I wonder if there is a link between feeling this way and feeling that kind of guilt. x
This post really spoke to me. I definitely live my life like this. I find it so hard not to be looking (at least in the back of my mind) for the next bad thing to happen. I have been like this for so long it is hard to change my way of thinking. But reading this has made me at least want go try.
#KCACOLS
It’s really hard to break that way of thinking isn’t it, the fear is still very real for me, but I am loving those moments of letting go and really feeling happy lately. x
I went through a phase where grandparents were dying at Christmas so I made a point of never saying I was looking forward to Christmas or that it was going to be a good one. One year I gave in thinking we were clear and said it on December 22nd. I came home from work the next day and looked at my mum and step dad sitting at the table. They didn’t even need to say it. I knew someone had died. Sadly we lost my step grandad that year. I’m still very careful about saying anything like “life is good” or “I’m so happy”. I’ve had hypnotherapy and she tried to convince me I am not responsible for people dying merely by thinking or saying I’m too happy but I’ve lost over 10 people now so I’m not taking any chances.
That said I try to live a fear free life and just do what makes me happy.
#KCACOLS
Oh Cassie, I’m so sorry that you’ve been through all that, and carry that burden around with you. You’re really not responsible for what’s happened, but I do understand how even if you know that logically, the fear is still there that sadness will follow happiness. Would it be worth chatting to a therapist if hypnotherapy didn’t really help? x
Aww this is a lovely post, and you’re so right! I always think things are too good to be true and am overly cautious! #KCACOLS
It’s funny isn’t it, how we can be so wary of this thing that we so badly want! x
Happiness is such a funny concept. I too remember watching a film with an ex about happiness! The main character died searching for it! Won’t be watching that again. Like you say…take off your ducks and splash in the sea! We had a water fight today…it was awesome!!!! Kids things us how to be happy! #KCACOLS
It really is a funny concept isn’t it, and something we really can learn a lot about from our children. x
I love this post – I completely feel like this at times. Sometimes I worry that I am just too lucky and something had got to give. But you can’t spend you life worrying, you just have to enjoy life don’t you. #kcacols