I can still remember it so clearly, the first time I decided to venture out to a baby group with my son. I was so unbelievably nervous. I’ve always been a shy person and so the thought of walking in to a room full of people I didn’t know and somehow trying to start up a conversation with them was just terrifying!
But, I had no Mum friends at that point, so took a deep breath and made myself do it. And, honestly, that first time wasn’t that great. I found it really hard, and had to force myself to go back a few weeks later. But after that, it got easier and the people I met at that first baby group are still good friends of mine now which I’m so happy about. We saw each other through the really hard times of being a new, first-time parent and are still around now to help each other through the hard times. Especially now several of us have had a second child.
So, if you’re a new parent and sort of want to venture into the world of baby groups but are really scared by the idea of it, I would really encourage you to go for it. It’s so worth those scary, uneasy moments!
Here are some tips, some science-backed, some just based on my own experience, that might help you take that first step into the world of baby groups!
Take someone with you.
Now, if you’re going to a group with the aim of meeting new people and making new Mum friends, then taking someone with you might not seem like the best idea, as you may well end up spending the whole time just chatting together. But, if you’re really shy and nervous, having someone you know there with you might be enough to get you through the door.
Then once you’ve done that, you may well feel brave enough next time to go in alone.
Have a hug before you go in.
If you do take someone with you, try giving them a big hug just before you go in the door. Or, if it’s your partner or someone you’re close to, try holding their hand on the way there. If you’re going by yourself, then get your baby out and hold them close to you as you walk in the door.
All of these actions release oxytocin into your blood stream which is a really good thing!
Research from Concordia University has shown that oxytocin can help introverts in social situations because “under the effects of oxytocin, a person can perceive themselves as more extroverted, more open to new ideas and more trusting”. So get those hugs in!
Ditch the car.
Listen to some soothing music.
If you do decide to take the car (maybe that option is less stressful to you than pushing a heavy buggy all the way there!), then try listening to some soothing music as you drive. Studies have found that doing this can, say it with me, release more oxytocin into your bloodstream. Marvellous!
Use your baby to break the ice.
One of the great things about baby groups is that you have a natural ice-breaker with you! You don’t have to worry about awkwardly starting up a conversation about the weather, you can open with a simple ‘how old is he?’. You’ll find that other Mums are more than happy to answer questions about their babies, I mean, who doesn’t love talking about their kids!
Get people’s names!
One thing I would highly recommend though, is to make sure that when you do get chatting with someone you ask them what their name is, and not just their baby’s name! I speak from experience. I spent far too long calling people ‘so and so’s Mum’, then it just gets to a point when it’s almost embarrassing to ask.
So get in there early, ask for their name and then use it in conversation with them so it has a better chance of sticking in your sleep-deprived mind!
If at first you don’t succeed…
Try, try again.
And then try a different group!
You might find that the first time you go to a group it all feels a bit awkward and you don’t really talk to anyone. If this happens, take a deep breath and try again. It might take a few visits for you to warm up enough to start chatting to people, and also once you’ve been a few times people will start to recognise you and chat more with you. If you really don’t like the first group you try though, have a look around at the other ones that are available in your area.
If you find the free-play sort of groups really intimidating then try going to a class or activity-based group instead. Rhyme time sessions at the local library are a great free option, and there are all sorts of baby massage classes, baby signing classes, arts and crafts for toddlers sessions, and music classes that you could look into. You might find that the activity helps you relax more so that you can start to chat more easily with the other mums.
So, there you have it, my advice to other shy parents who are working up the courage to venture out into the world of baby groups! I really hope it helps, and that you end up enjoying these kind of groups as much as I’ve enjoyed them over the last 5 years. If you have any other advice or related stories then please do leave me a comment, I’d love to hear what you have to say!
I had my first experience of a baby group a few weeks back and it wasn’t the best. Very clicky! but i have kept going and its getting better. xx
#TheList
They can be like that, quite intimidating, but I’m glad you’re sticking with it, they can be great once you get stuck in. x
This is great advice. I did do a few baby groups but found them horrendously nerve wracking the first time, and lots I didn’t end up going back to because I felt too awkward. It’s so intimidating to walk through that door, I think your first point would have helped me a lot! #TheList
Some great advice here. I tried lots of different baby groups, all of them were totally different experiences. The first couple I went along to were awful, but then I found one that was brilliant and I actually cried when we went to our last one, so trying again is the best piece of advice I think! #kcacols
That’s it, sometimes you do have to try a few before you find the right one for you. I think I’ll be the same when I stop going to our regular group, it’s been a big part of our routine for about 4 years! x
Some great tips! I am not particularly shy but I have been putting that off for weeks now. I think I should check it out. Thanks for motivating me again ?
#KCACOLS
I love the idea of walking, helping to calm you. I find them so stressful as I am not good at small talk but I found a couple I liked as we stuck to those =) #KCACOLS
Glad you managed to find a few you like, it’s really worth sticking with it for a few sessions isn’t it, to give it a chance! It’s just getting over those nerves that can be so hard, I’m really glad I did it though, I’m so much more confident now and I think facing those fears has played a big part in that. x
Going with someone else can really make a big difference that first time – it just gives you the extra push to get through the door! I still find baby / parent groups hard work, I have to admit. I take Marianna to lots of kids and community stuff for work, but it just feels different. Like, I have a purpose to be there that isn’t based on me personally, so it’s easier somehow. x #KCACOLS
Helpful tips! Your post brought me back to the first time I attended a baby group with my son (5 years ago!) and I was really lucky that I had a friend to go with. Once I got used to going to different groups I became more comfortable and felt ok going on my own. #KCACOLS
Thank you! It is scary the first few times isn’t it, glad you had some company that first time! x
When we lived in swansea I loved baby groups, everyone was chatty and I had just enough mum friends to be happy. I had known them all from when our babies were tiny so we had bonded over sleep deprivation and supported each other through tantrums etc. When I moved to Hampshire it was a different story, everyone was already in there little groups, Leo was older so it is hard to sit and have a conversation and no one seems that interested in talking to me..boo hoo haha. I’ll stick at it though and maybe try and find a couple more that aren’t as clicky. These are fab tips and I’ll try putting them to use at baby group tomorrow 🙂 xx #KCACOLS
Yikes, I still haven’t gathered the courage to brave baby group! My son is now over a year old, and I’d really like him to have some interaction with other kids his age, so I guess it’s time to put my big-girl panties on! Thanks so much for the tips (: #KCACOLS
Some really good advice and useful tips on how to make play group that much easier for new parents and those who haven’t tackled it. I am really guilty of forgetting to ask people’s names and end up referring to them as so and so’s mum.Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.xx
Great tips, they are a really mixed bag aren’t they. I have met two close friends from baby groups, but have also been to some less friendly ones! Thanks for linking up to #TheList x