In an ideal world our children would always listen and do the things we ask them to do without any fuss or bother.
In reality though, it can be really difficult at times to get our children to do the things we want them to do. Whether it’s tidying up their rooms or doing their homework, there will always be things that we want them to do that they just don’t want to have to do.
There is a little psychological trick you can use though, that might just help get your child to do the things you want them to do.
It’s called the door in the face technique.
The door in the face technique is a psychological technique to get people to do what you want by making a bigger request first that you know they’ll say no to.
Then when you ask for the thing you actually want they’ll be more likely to say yes, because they feel bad about refusing your first request.
So, how does this apply to children?
Well, imagine you want them to put all their toys back in the toy box, so you can actually see their bedroom floor again.
You’d start by asking them to tidy up their whole room. And you do this fully expecting them to complain, to resist, to argue that it’s too hard.
At which point you can say, ok, can you please just put your toys away then?
This request will seem pretty reasonable to your child compared to having to tidy their whole room. So there’s a good chance they’ll now do it. Whereas if you started with that request they would probably fight you on it.
By making a big, almost unrealistic request first, your actual request seems more reasonable.
And having said no to that first request, your child will feel obliged to say yes to the second request. In theory anyway!
If you try this approach and it doesn’t work for you, then you can always try the opposite version. The foot in the door approach.
This is where you ask for something small first, that your child is likely to agree to.
Then once that is done you ask for the thing you really want them to do. Having complied with your first request they’ll often be more likely to do the same with the second.
So, you’d start by asking them to put just 3 of their toys in the toy box.
Then when they’ve done that you ask them to carry on and put the rest of them away.
Have you ever tried the door in the face approach with your children?
I know that it’s not guaranteed to work. But it’s worth a try if it’s a struggle to get them to do anything you want them to do.
And a little heads up, it works with adults too. So try it next time you want your partner to cook dinner or your colleague to deal with something for you!