7 days to a happier you

7 days to a happier you

by with 18 Comments Family lifePsychology

At the end of another long week, how do you generally feel?

If you’re not feeling as happy as you’d like, don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!  I’ve been doing a lot of research into happiness and joy recently, working out what little things we can do to up our happiness levels.

There are lots of things we can do to increase our happiness in the long term, but sometimes it can be hard to know where to start.  So I have a bit of a challenge for you.  Over the next week, try these 7 different things to bring a bit of extra happiness to your life.

7 days to a happier you

 

Starting this weekend, try my suggested activity for each day and see if you feel happier by the end of the week!

Here we go:

Saturday 

Give a friend five £1 coins and get them to kind them in random places around your house.  Think under a sofa cushion, in your coat pocket, in your junk drawer (we all have one right?), or in your jewellery box.

Studies have shown that finding money unexpectedly really works to make us feel happier, and this way the chances of you coming across a surprise bit of money are greatly increased!

You could get your kids involved in this one instead of a friend if you want, but be warned that the coins will end up in REALLY random places.

 

Sunday

Have a lazy Sunday morning cwtch-fest.

Bundle the whole family into your bed for a bit for lots of cuddles; you’ll get loads of oxytocin flowing which makes you feel lovely and relaxed and happy!

 

Monday

Work to your strengths.

There was a study carried out at Harvard University where volunteers were asked to identify their strongest trait and then use it in a new way every day for a week.  The volunteers reported feeling significantly happier at the end of the week and, even better, the results lasted for six months!

So, have a think about what your greatest strength is and think of how you can use it more every day.

Are you a kind person?  Maybe you can help someone carry their shopping to their car, pop some money in the charity tin at the till, or simply shoot the Mum with the screaming toddler a sympathetic “I’ve been there” smile!

 

Tuesday

Smile!

Beat that Tuesday feeling (is it just me who feels that Tuesdays are a bit of a non-day?!) by smiling.  Even if you don’t really feel like doing it, smiling really does make you feel happier.  Michelle from The Joy Chaser wrote a post all about how it works, explaining that “when you feel happy, your brain produces endorphins and sends signals to your facial muscles to trigger a smile.  The smile tells our brains we’re happy and creates a feedback loop that keeps the process going”.

So even if you feel a bit silly doing it, put a big smile on your face and see how much happier you really do start to feel!

Smile to feel happier

 

Wednesday

Get moving.

I know, you’ve heard it before, but getting some exercise really is a great way to increase your happiness.  Getting out for a brisk walk on your lunch break (or to the park with the kids) will stimulate your brain’s production of dopamine which increases our feelings of pleasure and happiness.

But, did you know that the way you walk can affect your mood?!

In the same way that smiling (even if you don’t feel like it) can make you feel happier, walking in a bouncy, happy way (even if you feel a bit blue) can make you feel better.

So put a bit of zing in your step, after a short while you’ll start to feel as bouncy and happy as your walk!

 

Thursday

Share a ‘Throwback Thursday’ photo.

Before you choose one to post, take a bit of time to go through your old photos, reminiscing about happy times from your past.  Studies have shown that thinking about happy times boosts serotonin levels in your brain, which has been linked to decreases in depression.

Make even more of an impact on your happiness by writing a little post about the good time you had when the photo was taken – processing your emotions through writing has been found to help you feel less distressed

 

Friday

Change your bed sheets.

End your week on a happiness high by climbing into a bed made up with lovely fresh, clean bedding.  In a research project, two-thirds of people said that sleeping in a freshly made bed was at the top of their list of things that made them feel great.

So, there you have it, a week of ways to increase your happiness.  Are you game to give it a try?  

Try this trick to improve your relationship with your partner

Try this one little trick to improve your relationship

by with No Comment Family lifePsychology

Relationships are wonderful.  

They really are.

But, they’re not easy.  You sometimes need to put a little bit of work in to keep them on track.

This little tip though, is a pretty easy and fun way to help improve things in your relationship.

Try this one little trick to improve your relationship

Sit down and watch a romantic film together!

Researchers at the University of Rochester carried out a study of couples in the early stages of marriage and found that divorce rates were cut in half for couples who watched romantic films together and then talked about them afterwards.

Pretty impressive.

The study looked at couples in their first 3 years of marriage and found that watching a film every week that has a romantic relationship as a main part of the plot and then discussing it afterwards was as effective at preventing divorce as other, more intensive relationship therapies.

Now, the key seems to be the discussion afterwards, where the newly-weds would answer specific questions about the couple in the film and how they dealt with various issues.

They were encouraged to discuss if they dealt with things the same way as the film couple.

It seems to me that the main thing to take away from this is the importance of talking openly and honestly with our partners about our relationships, and to acknowledge how we might sometimes handle things the wrong way and work to resolve issues in a healthier way.

So, if you feel like your relationship could do with a bit of tlc, try putting on a romcom and then having a bit of chat about it afterwards.  Sounds like a pretty painless way to start communicating again.

Unless you’re like my husband and really can’t stand those kind of films, in which case, think a little outside the box.  We don’t watch any of my collection of romcoms together, but we did watch all of How I met your mother together – perfect for sparking discussions about relationships!

And remember, the key here really is the discussions afterwards, if you can find any way to start talking about couples and how they might deal with various issues then you’re on to a winner.

So what are your thoughts on this?  Do you watch these kinds of films together as a couple?  Do you naturally tend to discuss relationships (fictional or otherwise) together?

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com
Get a happier less anxious you with oxytocin

6 ways to boost your oxytocin levels (and get a happier, less anxious you!)

by with 10 Comments PsychologyUncategorized
Have you had a good oxytocin fix lately? 

If you’ve read my previous post about making your mornings happier by making time for a good hug with someone, then you’ll have an idea of how amazing this happy hormone is!

Oxytocin has some real super powers, like boosting your immune system, reducing anxiety and lowering your blood pressure.  So, how can we all get more of the good stuff?

Here are 6 ways to get you started on getting more oxytocin in your day:

Get a happier less anxious you with oxytocin 

1) Have a good cuddle, get a massage or stroke your cat/dog.

Basically, any kind of physical contact is great for getting the oxytocin flowing, but the more you do it the better, so a nice long hug from a loved one, a 5 minute snuggle on the sofa with your cat or a pampering hour spent having a massage should do the trick!

2) Give some money away.

Studies have found that showing compassion in a visceral way (so, doing it because your gut feeling about it is good, rather than there being a logical explanation for doing it), like giving money away, is linked to higher levels of oxytocin.

So you might have a charity that you just feel an affinity with – go donate a bit of money to them.  Or, for a real feel-good hit, hide some money about town for strangers to find, random-acts-of-kindness-style!

3) ‘Like’ some of your friends’ post and photos on Facebook.

In the same way that hugging releases oxytocin, so do all sorts of other kinds of social interaction, including getting stuck in to a good Facebook session.

Researchers have found that we get a dose of oxytocin after spending time on Facebook and Twitter, most likely down to the fact that ‘liking’ and commenting on our friends’ photos and status updates makes us feel more connected to them,

4) Go for a walk outside.

This one shouldn’t be a surprise, we’ve been told time and time again how great gentle exercise is for boosting our moods.  And studies have shown that going for a walk outside in nature is associated with increased levels of oxytocin.  If you’re feeling more adventurous, then grab a friend and go exploring – it’s been found that going on adventures with people helps to make us feel more bonded to them!

5) Listen to some soothing music.

Ok, so this one is also quite logical, I mean, taking some time out and listening to soothing music is bound to make you feel relaxed!  And the reason it makes you relaxed, is because it prompts the body to produce more oxytocin!

There was a study carried out on patients who were recovering from open heart surgery, that found that when they listened to soothing music there was an increase in the levels of oxytocin in their blood.  Meaning they were less stressed and healed more quickly – pretty amazing.

6) Eat some eggs and a banana.

Eggs and bananas have both been linked with increased levels of oxytocin.  So, scrambled eggs followed by a banana for breakfast will set you up for a great day!  Or you could give these banana pancakes a try for the same effect, and you get bonus happy points if you add some chocolate chips for a dopamine hit!

If you like this post, then you might also like these:
6 reasons to squeeze more hugs into each day
Try this one little trick to start your day feeling happy

Lets be social – come and find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest!

Mr and Mrs T Plus Three
Share the Joy linky at TheJoyChaser.com
Reasons to hug more every day

6 reasons to squeeze more hugs into each day

by with 14 Comments Family lifeParentingPsychology

Earlier in the week I wrote a post about how having a cuddle first thing in the morning can really make you feel happier and set you up for a better day.

After writing that I was inspired to go and read a bit more about hugs and cuddles and the benefits we can reap from squeezing more of them into our day to day life.

So, here are the results of my research – 6 really wonderful benefits of hugging:

6 reasons to squeeze more hugs into each day

 

1) It can really boost your immune system.  

Study after study have found that you’re more susceptible to catching a cold or the flu when you’re stressed out, so taking steps to reduce your stress levels can help protect you and keep those bugs at bay.  And hugging has been shown to reduce stress as it releases oxytocin into your blood stream.

Further research has also shown that if, despite our best efforts, we do still get ill, then our symptoms are often not as bad if we have lots of cuddles.  Which would explain why our children just want to be physically close to us when they’re poorly!

 

2) It makes you feel less afraid.  

I think this one is amazing.

A study published in the Psychological science journal found that anxiety levels in women who were told they might receive a mild electric shock were reduced when they held hands with one of the male experimenters, and were reduced even more when they held hands with their husbands.

So physical contact, either holding hands or a great big hug, can really help to calm your nerves and make you feel braver.

 

3) It lowers your blood pressure.  

I’m pretty sure that high blood pressure is pretty common in parents, I mean, getting children ready and out of the door in the morning isn’t particularly relaxing!  But research carried out by Light et al found that frequent hugs between partners are linked with higher oxytocin levels and lower blood pressure.  So, like I mentioned recently, grab your partner or your kids for a big hug first thing in the morning!

Reasons to hug more each day

 

4) It helps you communicate better.  

We all know how important non-verbal communication is, we can express so much through looks and touch, it’s amazing.

Well, hugging can be a great form of non-verbal communication.  David Klow, a marriage and family therapist in Chicago says  “Cuddling is a way of saying, ‘I know how you feel.’ It allows us to feel known by our partner in ways that words can’t convey.”  How great is that?  If we can’t find the words to express to our partners that we feel them, and understand them, then a hug can be a fantastic was to express that.

This works even better if your partner’s love language is physical touch.

 

5) It strengthens your relationships.  

Remember that oxytocin that I mentioned earlier, that helps you feel more relaxed and less stressed?

Well it also helps bond you to the people that you’re hugging, so regular cuddles with your partner and your children will help make you all feel more secure and stable as a unit.

 

6)  It just makes you feel good!  

Not only does cuddling release oxytocin, it can also release endorphins into the mix, according to Dr Renee Horowitz.  Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the ‘runner’s high’ that you might feel after exercising and they’re why eating chocolate makes us so happy!

 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go cwtch on the sofa with my kids and a big bar of dairy milk!

Try this trick to start your day happy

Try this one little trick to start your day feeling happy

by with 33 Comments Family lifePsychology

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about this little blog of mine, and the sort of things that I want to be writing about.

One of the main ideas behind the blog when I first started it was to investigate ways what we can really enjoy life, and make it as glorious as possible!  So I’m starting a series of posts which will all have one little trick in them that should help to make life better, easier, happier.

I’m hoping to bring in some psychological background to the tips where I can, but some will likely just be based on experience.

So, to start off, this week I bring you one little trick to start your day feeling happy!

Try this one little trick to start your day feeling happy

 

Make time for a cuddle first thing!

I know, I know, when you’ve been forced out of bed on a cold morning to go calm a screaming baby, or you’ve been (quite literally) dragged from your bed by your co-sleeping toddler who is now demanding milk (can you tell that’s how most of my mornings start?!), then you might not be feeling too cuddly.

If you’re anything like me what you really want to do is head straight to the kitchen for a giant cup of caffeine-y goodness.

But taking a minute to grab your little one for a huge cuddle first will do wonders for both of you.

See, cuddling has been shown to increase the levels of oxytocin in the blood which in turn leads to us feeling more relaxed, more empathetic and more bonded to the person we’re hugging.  Research has shown that  a good 20 second hug can leave our oxytocin levels significantly raised for about an hour

So if mornings with your kids are normally rushed and stressful, then taking the time to give them a huge, loving hug could really help to make things a bit happier.  It’ll release that lovely oxytocin which will take the edge off that stressed-out feeling.  For bonus feel-good points you can take a minute to gaze into their sleepy eyes, which releases even more oxytocin, and makes you feel even more bonded to them, and who can feel sad when they’re full of love for their kids?

It’s got to be worth a try right? 

And if you don’t have little kids at home, the same thing applies for all sorts of physical contact.  So go and sneak a little cuddle with your teenager before they’re fully awake enough to stop you!  Grab your partner for a cuddle under the covers before you have to get up and face the day.  A few minutes snuggling your dog or stroking your cat will have the same effect too.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about oxytocin while writing this post, and it’s just amazing!  There is a lot of interesting research being done into this ‘love hormone’, how we can get more of it and how it affects us and our behaviour.  So stay tuned for more posts featuring oxytocin around here, I have a few ideas for posts on how we can make the most of this lovely hormone!

Be the parent that your child needs

Be the parent your child needs

by with 10 Comments ParentingPsychologyUncategorized
I wrote a post yesterday where I touched on this idea of being the parent that your child needs.

I think if I could go back to pre-motherhood me, that would be the advice I would give myself.  Don’t get too caught up on what the books say you ‘should’ be doing, don’t worry about what other people tell you your children ‘should’ be doing.

Just focus on getting to know your child, and learning to be the parent that he needs.

Be the parent that your child needs 

Now that I’m a Mum of two I’m learning even more that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.  Even within the same family you have to learn what each individual child needs from you, and adapt to become the parent that they need you to be.

See, my children are very similar in many ways.  When you look at their baby pictures it can be really hard to tell who is who.  They were both on the move very early, and are confident in their physical abilities.  But there are more and more differences emerging too.  And, of course, as they get older their individual personalities change and evolve and I have to keep up with the people they’re becoming.

I have to make a conscious effort to adapt my behaviour and my habits to ensure that they get what they need from me.  For example, I discovered when Rhys was a baby that I’m not as naturally tolerant of mess and dirt as I thought I was, and it’s taken me a while to relax and be comfortable with it.  And the main thing I’ve come to realise is that Nerys’ need to get her hands in things, to touch and feel new sensations is more important than my ‘need’ to keep her hands and clothes clean!

See, I’m learning all the time about what my children need from me as a parent.  

They need my love, my attention, my time, my respect.

After those needs are met you have to dig a little deeper.  Listen to your children, and watch them too.  In their own way they’ll tell you what they need.

You’ll learn if they need to be pushed or if you need to hold back.

You’ll learn if they need to be cuddled all day or if they need their personal space.

You’ll learn if they need the structure of routine or if they need more flexibility in their days.

If you trust your instincts you’ll come to realise that they’re your children, no one knows them better than you.  No one else knows the best way to ‘be’ with them.

So, a message to past-me, and a reminder to now-me and future-me:

Don’t worry about being the parent you always thought you’d be.

Don’t waste your time trying to be the parent that others think you should be.

Don’t be the parent to the child you want your child to be.

Get to know the child you’ve been given.  Learn who they are, get to understand the way they think, be the parent that they need.  

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Sugar highs or just kids being kids?

by with 2 Comments ParentingPsychologyUncategorized
A new hot topic for conversation has come along recently – that of children’s birthday parties.  All the kids in my little group of Mummy friends are turning 4 this year and suddenly there seems to be more pressure to throw a proper party!  With the children all now being at nursery school we seem to have entered a new stage with these kind of things.  As soon as that first invitation came home in a school bag the bar was set.  Venues have been booked.  Bouncy castles have been hired.  Piles of fairy cakes have been baked!

When it came to Rhys’ birthday we felt quite strongly that he would just be overwhelmed by a big party.  So instead we made a real fuss of him and made his birthday a special day for him and the family.  Then we had a small group of friends that he’s known almost his whole life round for a play and some cake.  I’m so happy that we made that decision.

We’ve been to a few of the other parties this year; they have been a lot of fun and Rhys has enjoyed himself.  At one particular party recently he had a great time, bouncing like crazy on the bouncy castle and running around.  Most of the other children there were the same, bouncing off the walls both literally and figuratively.  It would be easy to make the assumption that they were all buzzing with a sugar high from party food.  Except, I knew that Rhys hadn’t really had any party food.  He has never been that fussed about that part of birthday parties – he’d always rather just carry on playing!  So I was really interested to see this ‘sugar high’ issue being discussed in the news recently.

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Professor David Benton (one of my professors from University!) spoke at the Cheltenham Science Festival recently about how sugary party foods don’t actually make our children hyperactive.  He instead explains that, “Sugar doesn’t make children hyperactive, parents do. They overreact when told their children have just eaten sugar, anticipating a problem and putting them on a much shorter rein. They see what they are expecting to see.”

Ahh, I do love a good self fulfilling prophecy!

Now, I’m sure there are some children that are really affected by sugar.  Most likely those who hardly ever have any in their regular diet.  So when they do get a hit of it, their little bodies aren’t used to processing it and they do get a bit wired.  But, personally, I’m right behind the good professor on this one.  I think a lot of the time it is our expectations as parents that skews the way we interpret our children’s behaviour.

I think that it’s been drummed into us for so long that sugar is bad for us and it makes our children hyper that we now believe it without question.  So when we take them to a party and they have a plate of fairy cakes and party rings, or when it’s Christmas time and they’ve been allowed a bit more chocolate than normal, we expect them to get a bit more hyper than normal.  So if they do start to act a bit loopy we automatically blame the sugar, when really their behaviour is probably down to a mixture of other factors.

Rhys, for example, gets really loopy when he’s tired.  He will run around like crazy, fighting the tiredness with everything he’s got!  I remember one Christmas though, he’d had two, maybe three, chocolates from the bowl on the table, and was running around his grandparents house.  Someone commented then that he probably shouldn’t have any more chocolate, implying that the reason behind his extra energy was what he’d eaten.  I replied that he was actually just tired from all the excitement of the day, and that he often seems to get a real second-wind when that happens.  I’m not sure they believed me though!

My thoughts on all this?  It all comes down to knowing your own children, and being aware of your expectations of them.  I know that if Rhys is getting a bit over-excited at a party it’s most likely to be because he’s getting tired and maybe a bit overwhelmed by all the activity.  I know it won’t be because he’s eaten too much sugar!

What are your thoughts and experiences with this?  Do you think that Professor Benton is right, or do you believe that, for your child at least, sugar creates a little bit of hyper behaviour? 

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