encourage positive outlook children

Encouraging a positive outlook in your children

Throughout April I’ve been working on establishing a more positive outlook; acknowledging how green my grass really is!  I’ve been posting on Facebook and Twitter quite regularly with something that is good in my life, something that made me smile that day or something that I’m grateful for in my life.

It’s a habit I want to keep up because I know that if I’m not careful I find myself complaining about things that are ‘wrong’ rather than enjoying all the hundreds and thousands of things that are ‘right’ in my life.  I really want to cultivate a positive outlook and grateful attitude in myself and in my children.

These are my ideas of things we can do to help encourage a positive outlook in our children, so they grow up seeing the best of things in the world and being grateful for the all the wonderful things in their lives:

Encouraging a positive outlook in your children

1) When you notice something good, point it out to your children!  
Show them the beautiful flowers that are springing up everywhere, the colourful rainbow in the sky on a rainy day and all the other glorious things that mother nature has to offer.2) Get them involved in making/writing thank you cards.  
This is something we’re already doing.  My siblings and I were always expected to write thank you letters as children and I’m working at passing that habit on to my children.  I think it’s lovely, when someone takes the time to pick out and send a present to you, to make the effort to send them a nice thank you note back.  Sitting down with the children and helping them make, write or scribble on a thank you note will helpfully start to encourage them to be grateful for the presents they’re given and also to express that gratitude.

3) At bedtime ask them to tell you about the best thing about their day.
This is something that I’m not actually doing yet, but I think it would be a lovely habit to start, especially now Rhys is getting older and spending more time at school, away from us.  Helping him to focus on and talk about the best parts of his day will hopefully help him go to sleep happy and nurture a positive outlook on life in general!

What do you think?  Do you have a naturally positive outlook on life or is it something you have to work on?  I’d love to hear any more tips you might have on how to encourage our children to have a positive outlook.


Where did my little boy go?!

You know how sometimes, you put your baby down for a nap and could swear that they had grown while they were asleep?  Or that their facial features had shifted somehow and they just look different; older maybe.

Well last week I really had one of those moments where my son seemed to change and grow up before my very eyes!

About a week or so ago his hair seemed to suddenly grow to a point that it was almost in his eyes and just really needed to be cut.  So we went off on an adventure!  Nerys went off happily (almost too happily!) with Nana and Pops for a walk round the park and Rhys and I caught the bus into town to the hairdressers.

I’ve taken him to Tickled salon on Swansea high street twice now and have been really impressed with it both times.  The staff are really lovely and friendly, there are seats shaped like cars for Rhys to sit in and watch tv and the haircuts themselves have been great!

So Rhys sat in a car, watched a bit of Frozen and before I knew it a whole new child was sitting in front of me.  He just looks so different, so grown up!  It’s taking a bit of getting used to, I have to admit.  I said in a recent blog post that one of the hardest things about being a parent is letting your children grow up, letting them go.  And I really do think that’s true.  Accepting that my little boy is getting bigger, gearing up for full time school in September, is hard!  And now seeing him looking older is making it all the more ‘real’.

I have to remind myself that it’s all part of the adventure.  We can’t cling to the last stage (as much as I’d like to sometimes!).  Time for my little boy to start becoming a big boy.  He is nearly 4 after all!


Coping with teething

I don’t remember Rhys suffering too badly with teething.  I know he used to get a runny nose with it and was a bit unsettled, but nothing too bad.  Maybe I’ve just blanked out the memory of how bad it was?  I’m convinced that happens, something in the Mummy brain gently softens the memories of the hard times.  Otherwise no one would have more than one baby I suppose!

At the moment though, there’s no getting away from it.  Nerys is cutting 4 molars at the same time and oh dear God is she suffering!  At first I thought it was just the bottom two that were coming through, until I rubbed some teething gel on her gums and realised the top ones were starting to poke through as well.  No wonder she’s been in such a state.

And she really has been in a state.  For a lot of the day she’ll seem ok, then it’ll all get too much and she’ll be beside herself.  She just doesn’t know what to do with herself (Ah great, now I’ve got this song stuck in my head!).

I’m hoping the teeth are nearly through and she’ll be back to her sunny self soon, but in the meantime here’s how we’re coping:


Have a little patience
When Nerys herself doesn’t even know what she wants it’s really hard to know what to do to help her!  I’m trying my best to be as patient as I can through the times of “I want you to pick me up, No I don’t want you to pick me up, I want that, No I want THAT, No I want THAT so that I can throw it”

Medication (for her)
When we can see she’s in pain with her teeth we’ll tend to dose her up with some painkillers to try and take the edge off for her.  I read recently that ibuprofen is best for teething pain as it helps with the inflammation of the gums as well as the pain.

Medication (for you)
Making sure I have a steady supply of chocolate and coffee helps keep me sane amidst all the screaming.  Ibuprofen for the screaming-induced headache helps also.

Alternative therapies
Lots of parents swear by Ashton and Parsons teething powder and it does seem to help calm Nerys down when she’s really suffering.  We also find Nelsons Teetha powder really good.
Nelsons teething gel has been a real help too; the combination of the magic power of the gel and the counter pressure on her gums seems to make her feel a bit better.

Something to chew on
This idea of counter pressure on the gums is also the main thinking behind this idea of giving them something to chew/bite on.  Suggestions from around the internet include giving them;

  • a stick of cucumber straight from the fridge
  • some ice wrapped in a muslin or flannel
  • a bagel that’s been in the fridge
  • specialist teething biscuits
  • a teething ring or other kind of teether – we foundthese were the best for Rhys

Nerys hasn’t really taken to any of these things, choosing instead to keep hold of the syringe after we give her some medicine and chewing on that!

Positive thinking!
I tell myself ‘this too shall pass’.  Over and over again.  As loud as I can, to try and drown out the screaming!

Does anyone have any other suggestions for how to cope with teething?  I’d love to hear if you have a miracle solution, or if you’re just suffering too, misery loves company and all that!

Let's Talk Mommy
open letter to my daughter end breastfeeding journey

A letter to my daughter at the end of our breastfeeding journey.

Dear Nerys,

Tonight we stopped breastfeeding.

After 13 months and 7 days of my body providing you with nourishment and comfort, we quietly stopped.  No fuss, no upset.  This is the right time for this to happen.

And I knew it was coming.  Just a few short weeks ago you were feeding all through the night.  I had convinced myself that you needed the milk.  That you were growing and needed the calories.  That you were teething and poorly and needed the comfort.  That you needed ME.

But you didn’t really.  You wanted it because it was lovely and familiar and comforting in the dark of the night, but you didn’t need it any more.  What we really all needed was to get more sleep!

So we cut out those night feeds.  Within a day or two you stopped asking for milk in the nights.  You were perfectly happy to have a cuddle, or to cwtch in next to me in bed.

Soon enough we were down to just a feed at bedtime.  That cozy little routine we’d pretty much perfected over the last year.  Bathtime with Rhys and Daddy.  A little play all together on the bed.  Then into your sleepbag and settle down for a quiet feed.  Just you and me.

But over the last few days I’ve felt it coming.  The end of this stage in your life.  This stage in our lives.

I could tell my milk supply was dwindling.  That you weren’t really feeding any more.  I knew that one night soon would be the last night you would need me in that way.

That night turned out to be last night.  I didn’t know it then.  But when we went through our bedtime routine tonight you didn’t reach for me.  You didn’t point to the bed as you used to, instructing me to sit down and feed you.  Instead you pointed to the bottle I had brought up with us, and you sat next to me and drank that happily.

Then you snuggled in to me, allowed me to help you fall asleep in a new way.  I held you in my arms and sang Calon Lan, just like I used to with your brother.  And you drifted off to sleep.  Safe, comforted, loved.

There were no tears from you at the end of this stage in your life.  You’re ready for this.  Ready to stop being dependent solely on me, ready to take that first step away from me and towards independence.

I think I’m ready for this too.  I had a quiet cry tonight, as I held you and stared at your perfect sleeping face.  It hasn’t always been easy, but I have truly loved being able to feed you for this long.  It has amazed me that we made it this far and it’s a little bittersweet knowing that you don’t need me in the same way any more.  But it makes me so happy to see you go to Daddy for hugs and comfort now, and to see you explore Nana and Pops’ house with a new-found confidence.

You have changed and grown so much in the last few weeks.  My baby is almost gone and that does make me a little sad.  I’ve so loved this stage of your life, I don’t really want to let it go.

But that’s what I have to do.  Mamie always told me that your children are only lent to you.  The best thing I can do for you as your Mummy is to let you go, little by little.  Of course I’ll never fully let you go, you’ll always, always be my baby girl, but I have to let you grow up.  And this is the beginning of that.

I think I’m ready for this.  The baby stage has been wonderful, but oh the toddler stage is so much fun!  I’ll miss the special time with you that breastfeeding has given me, but it’s time for a new part of your life now.  It’s time for you to be the Daddy’s girl we always knew you would be!

I will always be here to give you love and comfort whenever you need it, but now that will come from hugs and kisses and gently spoken words in the dark of night.  You don’t need the milk any more; it’s done its work of helping you grow big and strong.  You have so much love around you, you will never be in want of comfort.

This is the right time for this.

Yes, we’re ready for this!


letter to my daughter end of breastfeeding journey

13 things wish known breastfeeding

13 things I wish I’d known about breastfeeding

Breastfeeding has been back in the spotlight again recently, after a study found that people who had been breastfed for at least 12 months were in education for longer, had a higher IQ and earned about 20% more than the average income level by the time they were 30 years old.

I have really mixed feelings about this, and about all the responses I’ve been reading across various blogs and news reports, because I am still breast feeding my one year old but only fed my son for 2 weeks before moving him on to formula.

I have no regrets about making the decision to stop breast feeding Rhys when I did.  It was absolutely the best decision for my family.  But, having been successful with breast feeding second time round, I do sometimes wonder if things might have been different with Rhys if I’d known more about it.

So, with the hope that this might help some other mums out there, here is my list of the things I wish I had known about breast feeding before I started.

13 things I wish I'd known about breastfeeding


1) It may be ‘natural’ but it’s not always easy

We’re constantly fed this line that breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world.  And yes it is, in that our bodies are designed by nature to nourish our children.  But this doesn’t mean that breastfeeding will come naturally to us.  It also doesn’t mean that it’s an easy thing to do.

I’m sure some women do take to breastfeeding really easily, their babies know instinctively what to do and it all does come naturally to them.

For the rest of us though, it takes a fair bit of fumbling around, trying all manner of feeding positions to get baby to latch on properly.  For me personally, it took at least 8 weeks before breastfeeding started to feel quite natural.


2) It can be really painful

Breastfeeding can be a really painful experience, especially at the beginning, with poor latch, cracked nipples and mastitis to contend with.  Those issues can all be resolved and you should be able to carry on breastfeeding, but you might find that you’d rather stop than power through the pain which, in my opinion, is absolutely fine.

I’m sure lots of people will disagree with me, but I personally think that if you’re miserable and in pain trying to feed your baby then sometimes it’s better for the whole family if you stop.

Happy mum = happy baby, regardless of how they’re fed.


3) It may always be uncomfortable

I was lucky in that I’ve never had issues with cracked nipples or mastitis, but I did still find breastfeeding painful for quite awhile.  Every time Nerys latched on I would tense up for a few seconds until it felt more comfortable.  I was sure that she must not be latching on properly, seeing as you’re always told that if it hurts then something must be wrong with the latch.  I asked quite a few of the midwives in the hospital and my community midwife and the health visitor when I got home, and they all reassured me that she seemed to be latched on fine and was feeding well.

I still wasn’t sure that everything was ok though, until one particular midwife told me that she fed all three of her children and it was painful every time.  Weirdly, this made me feel so much better!  Knowing that the pain wasn’t a sign that something was wrong helped me to relax, knowing that Nerys was getting all the food she needed.

Then, after about 8 weeks, I realised that it suddenly wasn’t painful to feed any more.  But it was always slightly uncomfortable at the start of each feed, when my milk let down.


4) You end up covered in milk for the first few weeks

I was completely unprepared for this when I started feeding Nerys, but yeah, some babies are messy eaters who like to dribble milk all over you, some babies like to randomly un-latch during a feed causing milk to spray everywhere, some babies will treat you to an extra few hours of sleep one night which, while wonderful, will leave you with an abundance of milk that leaks out all over the bed (I may or may not have experienced all of these things!).  Stocking up on muslins is a very good idea!


5) Newborns feed ALL the time (which is actually a good thing!)

One of the biggest reasons I stopped breastfeeding Rhys is that he never seemed full and content.  He would feed for ages, then still want a bottle of formula.  I don’t remember anyone telling me that it’s normal for babies to want to feed constantly.

When I had Nerys I spend the first night with her at the hospital.  She fed pretty much all night long.  I started to worry that, once again, I wouldn’t be able to satisfy her hunger.  But the next morning when I told the midwife that Nerys had fed non-stop all night, the reply I got was ‘great!’.  And I had the same response when I talked to my community midwife about it at home.  What a revelation!  It’s a good thing for your newborn to feed ALL the time!

Looking into it more, it started to make sense too.  The more your baby feeds, the quicker your milk supply is established.  It’s a supply and demand system, so your baby places a lot of demand on you in the beginning to make sure the supply is there for them.


6) Every experience is different

I had a very different experience with feeding Nerys than I did with feeding Rhys.  And the more people you talk to about it, the more you realise that every experience is different.  You really can’t compare your experience with someone else’s and really shouldn’t beat yourself up about it if they make it look easy and you struggle.  Or if they happily feed for a year or more and you stop after a few weeks.


7) It makes you extremely thirsty within seconds of baby latching on

Make sure you have a drink within easy reach before you start feeding.  Seriously, it’s an overwhelming thirst that comes over you when you start feeding!


8) It’s not the be all and end all of motherhood

Yes, feeding your baby is a huge part of being a new mum.  It can be all consuming if you’re having issues with breastfeeding.  There are so many emotions involved and so many outside influences and opinions to contend with.

But, when your child is fully grown and you look back on your experience as a parent to that point, I doubt very much that the thing you will focus on will be whether or not you breastfed them.  I don’t believe that choosing to give Rhys formula when I did will be the defining moment in my parenting career.  Motherhood is about so much more than how we feed our babies.


9) Babies can still thrive on formula

On that note, I think it’s important for mums to know that babies can still thrive on formula.  Yes, breast milk may be, nutritionally, the best food for our babies.  But they can absolutely still thrive on formula.


10) You can still bond with a formula fed baby

One of the big ‘selling points’ of breastfeeding is that it helps you to bond with your new baby.  You’re led to believe that you won’t bond as well with your child if you bottle feed.

Well, I call boohockey on that!  Maybe you don’t bond in the same way if you bottle feed but you still form just as strong a bond.  Nerys and I have had some lovely times quietly nursing, and we bonded differently in that she physically needed me for food and comfort.  But I felt just as strong a bond with Rhys when I would feed him his bedtime bottle, leaning over him so he could twirl the hair from my fringe in his little hands.  Even now he’ll twirl his hair when he’s getting tired, which makes me think that my presence was what really gave them both security and comfort, not the milk they were fed.


11) Whether to do it or not is a personal choice

It’s so important to remember, but whether you decide to breast feed or formula feed is completely up to you.  It can be hard in the face of pressure from health professionals, the media and even family and friends but you have to make the choice that is best for you.


12) It’s shocking how much pressure is put on new mums to do it.  

I’m sure a lot of the pressure comes from inside, as we can set our hearts on breastfeeding when we’re pregnant.  But there is also a huge amount of pressure from outside sources to breastfeed.

I understand that the NHS promotes breastfeeding, but I find it really bad that this means that NHS staff are basically not allowed to promote any other kind of feeding.  When I was struggling to feed Rhys I was chatting with a lovely community midwife about the best course of action.

I’ll always remember her telling me “as a midwife I have to tell you to keep trying with the breastfeeding, but as a Mother I’m telling you to top him up with formula”.

Even now those words make me fill up with emotion.

I will always be grateful to her for giving me a real, human answer.  But I’ll also always be frustrated that she was put in the position where she had to separate her answers like that.  It worries me that our midwives are put under pressure to encourage mothers to keep on breastfeeding, when it really might not be the best course of action for them.

Which leads me on to my next point.


13) There’s support out there is you want it, but sometimes this can make it worse.

If you’re really keen to keep going with breastfeeding, even if it’s tough, then there is a lot of support available.  I spoke to our local breastfeeding consultant when I was still uncertain about how feeding was going with Nerys and was very happy with that service.  There are local groups you can go to for support.  The community midwife teams and health visitors can offer a lot of support if you need it.

The problem with this, is that sometimes breastfeeding is really tough and what you really need is for someone to tell you it’s ok to stop.  Having all the support offered to you can make you feel like all you need to do is persevere and it’ll all work itself out.

Sometimes we don’t have the energy, the strength or the will to ‘persevere’.

Sometimes the stress of trying to breastfeed can edge us away from the normal baby blues and towards depression.

Sometimes the best option for everyone involved is to stop persevering and move onto formula and we need to know that this is ok too.


So, that’s my thoughts on things I wish I had known before starting my breastfeeding journey and things I think might help other mums before they start their journeys.


What do you think?  Do you agree or hugely disagree?

What would you add to my list, what do you wish you had known about breastfeeding before you started?

How to give your toddler eye drops

How to give your toddler eye drops

Nerys woke up a few days ago with some lovely green gunk in the corner of her eye.  2 days of wiping it away, only for more to appear, and I took her to the Doctors.  One look from the Doctor and she confirmed it was a mild case of conjunctivitis and gave me a prescription for some eye drops.

These particular eye drops need to be applied 4 times a day.  To a 12 month old.  Should be fun, I thought!

So I have quickly come up with a fool proof strategy for getting the drops in her eyes.  It goes something like this:

How to give your toddler eye drops


1.  Sneak out into the kitchen, openly the fridge as quietly as possible so as to not attract attention to what’s coming and take out the drops.

2.  Casually come back into the room (I’m-not-doing-anything-humming optional) and approach your toddler.

3.  Attempt to open the bottle of drops.

4.  Run after your toddler who has bolted at the sight of the bottle.

5.  Shove the bottle in your pocket and try to convince them that you’re not up to anything.

6.  Attempt to distract them with Mr Tumble on the TV.

7.  While they’re distracted wrestle them to the ground.

8.  Pin flailing limbs to the floor with your legs and hands.

9.  Realise you now have no spare hands to administer the drops.

10.  Put the bottle between your teeth and attempt to squeeze the drops out like that.

11.  Fail miserably.

12.  Give up and wait until nap time when you can sneak in and administer the drops while they sleep!


Have you got any tips for the best way to administer eye drops to a reluctant child?

Effects of sleep deprivation

4 effects of sleep deprivation

I don’t think I’ve slept for more than 4 consecutive hours in about 8 months.  Most nights I get around 3 hours at a time.  I know I’m not the most sleep deprived person out there, but for someone who used to quite happily sleep for 11 hours at a time, this is really hard going.

Quite worryingly, a recent study has found that getting 8 hours of sleep with interruptions is as bad as getting just 4 hours sleep!  The study only looked at the effects of ONE disturbed night and found that the effects on the subjects mood, alertness and cognitive function were the same as when they had just 4 hours sleep.  I dread to think what the results would show if they actually studied the effects of night after night of disturbed sleep!

I know most parents (and anyone else who, for whatever reason, has their sleep interrupted) would agree that being deprived of a good night’s sleep can leave you feeling like crap.

So to cheer us all up, here’s a list of the four most fun effects of sleep deprivation!

4 effects of sleep deprivation


Sleep deprivation impairs your cognitive function.

Sleep is incredibly important to our ability to think clearly and to retain new memories.  Lack of sleep causes problems with alertness, concentration, reasoning and problem solving.  It also makes it really hard for our brains to remember things that we’ve learnt and experienced during the day as the sleep cycles that are important for consolidating our new memories are disturbed.

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep then that is partly to blame for the baby brain that has plagued me since having children!  I know I find it really hard to concentrate and think straight when I’ve had a particularly bad night with Nerys.


Sleep deprivation makes you gain weight.

I know that I’m a few pounds heavier than I’d like to be, but I can’t think why this is – could it be linked to the cakes I devour with a sugary coffee in the afternoons, or the stash of chocolate and biscuits on my bedside table?  Who knows!

As it turns out, it’s really not my fault that I’m eating so much junk!  A study carried out a few years ago found that lack of sleep was linked to an increase in the peptide ghrelin which stimulates hunger and a decrease in leptin which lets the brain know we’re full and suppresses our appetites.

So lack of sleep really is making me more hungry.  Studies have also shown that it makes us crave foods that are high in fat and carbohydrate.

See, I can’t help it.  I need to eat all those biscuits, because science!


Sleep deprivation impairs your judgement.

This one does actually scare me a little bit, especially considering I drive my son to school every day.  When our sleep is interrupted our judgement is impaired and our mental alertness is decreased.  I’m so aware of this when I’m behind the wheel; making sure I’m paying attention to everything around me all the time.

Another fun side of this impairment in our judgement is that  it’s actually been found that when we’re sleep deprived we’re especially prone to errors in judgement when it comes to assessing how the lack of sleep is affecting us.  So, if we have quite a few disturbed nights in a row we start to think that we’re adjusting to the lack of sleep, when this isn’t actually true.  Phil Gehrman, a sleep researcher, has said  “Studies show that over time, people who are getting six hours of sleep, instead of seven or eight, begin to feel that they’ve adapted to that sleep deprivation — they’ve gotten used to it.  But if you look at how they actually do on tests of mental alertness and performance, they continue to go downhill. So there’s a point in sleep deprivation when we lose touch with how impaired we are.”

So apparently, when I wrote yesterday that I can survive on very little sleep, maybe I was kidding myself that I’m actually functioning properly!


Sleep deprivation makes you more emotional.

Now this one is actually news to me.  I’m quite an emotional person in general, and just put my tendency to well up at silly things down to my hormones still being a bit unsettled while I’m breast feeding.

Apparently, however, I might also be able to blame this one on my lack of sleep!  A study carried out in 2007 found that the brains of people who were sleep deprived were 60% more reactive to negative and disturbing images.  One of the authors of the study, Matthew Walker, said in a statement about the study that “It’s almost as though, without sleep, the brain had reverted back to more primitive patterns of activity, in that it was unable to put emotional experiences into context and produce controlled, appropriate responses,”

So when I got all emotional and had tears in my eyes when acts were stolen in the battle round of ‘The Voice’ at the weekend, it was really my lack of sleep that was to blame!

There are loads more ways that lack of sleep affects us, including making our skin age more quickly and potentially causing quite significant health problems, but these 4 things are the ones I’ve really noticed for myself.

Here’s hoping that I get some better sleep soon before I end up depressed or with heart disease.  Although, I will miss having a good excuse for eating junk and crying at reality tv!